It's becoming quite a pass time for me to watch documentaries on Netflix. I admit that.
Well over a year ago, I was told Ethos was *the* documentary to show us the truths of America at this time. Now I've finally seen it and I just shake my head.
First off, was most of this not common knowledge? "Imagine a nightmare scenerio where big business controls the government." Obviously the documentary is not going to show me how that's what we're living. Well, obviously, kids. It's called Free Market economy. You try to show us how things were changed in the past to make this true, but the reality is, it's always been the case. If you don't like it, open your own business. That's the message this capitalist society was built upon.
Now, I'm not denying all the facts of this film. There are actually a lot I know from other more reliable sources *are* facts, but it's interesting that those things are not covered within this film because the message is not to trust the media or government without question... yet you expect us to
listen to you. Without question. It's sort of like taking up smoking to give up alcoholism or becoming Lutheran because you think the Presbyterians believe in God too much.
If you are talking to a society that listens to the media and blindly follows because they make their unsupported points with determined gusto and by making incendiary comments, then I suppose the way you sell them *your* bill of goods is to be incendiary and make your points without bothering to provide supporting information
The problem is I question the government and the media already and I try not to be influenced by commercials (but know the reality is there is not 100% escape if you live within the realms of society) so I hear your message, but all I can think is that you are just as weak in your arguments as they are in theirs. It was a soft blow, to say the least.
I'm fascinated by the number of these anti-government/media/corporation documentaries are narrated or voiced by foreigners. One of those "without question" things I've noticed is that people think those from other countries (specifically English speaking) should be taken more seriously. Those who want to seem sensitive and intelligent tend to pick up that Americans are arrogant, therefore we must be self-loathing which leads to the idea that other countries "have it right" and are doing things in a better way. Is that why these films often have a European accent lilting through their dialogue?
The part of this film I think they have right is pointing out that we can support companies we believe do the right thing by buying from them and shunning those we don't agree with by not consuming their products. however, this is an infinitely complicated problem. Can we decide if the farmer Dan's buys its eggs from is morally better than the one who sells his eggs to Harmon's? I recommend buying locally when possible, but let's be realistic. We're all struggling financially so sometimes the low cost of goods outweighs the desire to be perfect in every purchase.
I resent this documentaries claim that that makes us "obedient consumers" and argue that it means our lives are way more complicated than some Hollywood dude who spoke in the film and your bunch of film makers -- who will, frankly, make money off of this documentary for years to come -- understand. Forgive me if I don't think you really understand the complicated thought process of a regular family who works the daily grind and can't rely on our "art" to pay the bills.
I just felt that, overall, it wasn't eye opening or ground breaking and before taking their word for it, you should question and research every word they say because it's not so cut and dry. Not in the slightest.
I also feel like a lot of the documentaries these days are lacking hard hitting evidence and that the film makers believe we are following blindly. I think "people" are blind, but a person knows what he or she is doing. I think sometimes people are misinformed or confused, but I also think most people are just overwhelmed. They aren't burying their head in the sand as this documentary claims, it's that their lives are so much more complicated than the decisions "they" want us to make and we have many many more factors than are being explored.
Showing posts with label conformity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conformity. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Non-conformist is the new conformist
I remember when I was in High School (omg, my 20th reunion is this August. UGH!) and they were known as "mod" shortly followed by "goth". I am sure I was put into this group because I wore black and walked around depressed, but the fact is, even the goths had their own clique going on and I wasn't really accepted by them as a group either. In HS, I ran around with one or two people from each clique so it's not like I didn't have friends at all, but I was never accepted by any of the groups, even the subversive ones, so I had a different kind of outcast feeling than what I see in movies and television. Yet, these subversive groups were very small. You could look at the general student population and see the rockers, the preps, the archetypes explored in Breakfast Club, but the dark, depressed characters were a very small percentage of the student population.
Now I watch the kids walking home from school thinking they are the subversive non-conformists in their emo gear that looks like it was picked up at Emo R Us (remember being in HS and being goth? You had to shop a dozen stores and pick through the clearance racks to find the stuff no one else wanted. Our black was simple black jeans and black tee because we didn't have options.) Their clothes are just as designer as the preppy kids, but now the preppy kids are the small percentage of the student population. Almost all the kids look like they stepped out of Hot Topic. They have fully conformed to the idea of what makes them non-conformist. They are the definition of conformity, but more amusing than that, they don't know it.
I can't follow rules. I tried. I spent a lot of time beating myself up and feeling like a failure because the rules did not work for me.
I'm not talking about rebelling for the sake of being defiant or breaking laws and rules that are inconsiderate to others. I think it's really important to remember that others exist and deserve to be treated with respect.
But I sat in church feeling like there was something inherently wrong with me because I didn't think the things they taught made sense and I felt like I was evil because of the things I thought that made me happy. I had trouble committing to jobs (understatement. I tried very hard to fit in at various jobs - started out excited, got depressed, quit, felt stupid for quitting, and was never really in my right mind)
I tried losing weight at a Weight Watchers type group (done through the hospital, not affiliated, but same concept) and using online groups, but I failed harder than when I went on my own. I join writers groups and try so hard to find success by associating with others, but even that doesn't seem to work.
I don't know my point here, to be honest. I just think it's really funny to see the stream of kids coming from school thinking they are different, but they are all the same. I bet the generation above me thought the same thing. Plus, I guess I thought talking about how I felt like a failure when I did what I was "supposed" to do would be therapeutic, but I find myself in the exact same place... wishing I had the strength to do more with my life, but also loving the artistic lifestyle I'm living.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Sports
My daughter wanted to play lacrosse (lax) and I thought "Sure!" Being educated and informed, I know there are many fantastic benefits of a kid being involved in sports. She's done karate and swimming so "active" is not new in her list of descriptions, but team sports are a whole new beast.
Team sports. I don't watch them on telly. Over the years I've had opportunities to see them live and those are much more interesting to watch, like a play or any live performance, of course, but I don't really care to spend money on these things. I've been to kids games a couple times to show support. Before elementary school put Jane on a T-ball team for the summer, but the following year we moved out of the area, she started school, and she progressed in karate then started swimming so I didn't give ball games another thought. I am neither a sports fan, obviously, but I am also not a part of that subversive group that hates team sports or harbors ill will from either exclusion or bad experiences.
Not that I am free of those, either. I did like to play basketball in gym at school, but because I was chubby, no one would ever pass me the ball. I also liked volleyball. I wasn't very good, but I tried really hard. Then the girls would make fun of me or rudely say in front of everyone that I shouldn't be allowed to serve because I didn't get it over the net very often.* I wasn't very good at many group games, but I wasn't that horrible. Even still, I was outcast for even trying. Let's not discuss how my weight may have been affected if I just felt included in the sports things, huh?
So when she wanted to start lacrosse, I immediately saw the great things about team sports. Camaraderie, active lifestyle, clear mind, clear body, watching out for others, integrity; yes I know the list goes on and on. I knew it meant I had to deal with those particular women who think that pushing their kids in sports meant they love their kid more than I do. I was ready to sit at games, bored out of my mind, but cheering when my kid made a goal or blocked a pass or whatnot.
What I forgot is the reason why I always felt alienated by "sports" types. This is different from athletic, I don't know if you've noticed. An athletic person just uses life as an excuse to play sports. Sports types are something that I know I'll spend the next few months learning to understand. I'm hesitant to put my feelings into words because in the near future I might learn a lot more. For now, I don't think my opinions are negative, but if they are I don't intend them to be. It seems to me that the sports types are the ones who are amateur cheerleaders. They are more interested in the sports fashion and a certain look than the actual game. They focus on raising money, picking uniforms, and thinking that school spirit relates directly to the sports teams - all very important things, but not the only things in life. Any choice you put first, it feels, that isn't about your kid's sport means you don't care about your kid. Homework is important, as long as it doesn't interfere with game day schedules. Money should be endless for sports even if it means giving up everything else.
Everyone's been generally nice. I know they look at me and hubby and think "fat people=not athletic" which, if they are like me, means "I am not sure how to relate to this person, but let's talk and maybe we'll find something in common!" Sometimes it obviously means "Stupid, lazy, and therefore not really worth my respect, time, conversational skills, or equal treatment." I'm used to that. Been true my whole life.
Still, the first day of practice, we showed up and one of the coaches looked us up and down, then looked at Jane and asked if she had played before. We said no. He responded with "well, she looks pretty fit so maybe she'll do okay." We kindly took the hit and said that she had been in karate before, but is that something he would say to a skinny couple? For years, I just tried not to see these things and give the benefit of the doubt, but lately, I have started to notice just how much people are totally judgmental of fat people and treat us like, generally, we don't have feelings. These people are new in our lives and have no idea how much we've lost. They have no idea that we lead a much healthier lifestyle than, sometimes, they do, but now our bodies have to catch up.
Last weekend, there was a three hour event for all lax players associated with Brighton. This meant boys and girls in grades 4 though 12th. They were doing some fundraisers, I knew, which was great because I know lax is recognized by the schools, but not actually sponsored by them so they have to raise a lot of money to play. Information also said there would be raffle, drills, and more. We dropped off Jane and her friend, then went to find a parking spot. Parking was atrocious so we parked elsewhere about half a block away. This meant it took about 5 minutes to get back to the park and by then, they were doing catch drills with some older girls which I thought was awesome of them. I like two of them because the one was being friendly. She asked the other youth questions like what's your name? What other sports do you like? Do you enjoy school? The other girl was being a real mentor. "If you do this when you catch the ball, then you're ready to throw faster." And she did it very sweet so that it didn't feel like she was criticizing the girl, just making her a better player.
Jane's counterpart was talking to her friend the entire time about school drama. Don't know if Jane learned a thing, but at least she played catch. I watched and now I think I'm going to hit the thrift shops and garage sales to see if I can find a stick so I can practice with Jane to the best of my ability. Better than nothing, I figure. I can't run and scrimmage and I'm not the best catcher, but I can definitely be someone to keep the ball moving.
Later, these same girls were out on the street selling blankets to raise funds (a $20 minky for $55 because it says Bengals! and, you know, if it says something about the school, it's for sports. Don't see anyone selling these items at German Club, but whatever.) It was in that moment that I realized where 'Woo Girls' (search HIMYM if this is an unfamiliar term) come from and where they go. They are not just women on the town who have nothing going so they have to woo. No, they start out on the side of the road trying to entice drivers to honk in support of the teams, buy blankets, and instead of yelling "Come get your car washed by a cheerleader!" they just yell "WOOOO!!!!"
Then they must go through the phase discussed on How I Met Your Mother and the next thing you know, they are soccer moms. "Wooo!" = someone bought a bake sale cupcake! "Woooo!" = someone showed up at practice!
I don't woo. I am not like Lily who was willing to try. Okay, I take that back. If I was out in public and someone said the new episode of Doctor Who was going to be written by Douglas Adams third cousin, I would definitely yell "WOOO!" but my sports related woos tend to be a lot more subdued. They won't be for Jane's big moments, I hope, but in generally, I just don't get that thrilled.
This weekend, they've been trying to drum up interest in some Ice Breaker Tournament. Well, we are just barely past paying for equipment, practice clothes, three types of registration (each with their own fee) and all the other ways that putting your kids into sports sucks up any extra money you have unless you happen to be a larger income household. They did not tell us what is involved with this tournament, what times it takes place, or anything other than it is on Thursday (Jane's birthday), Friday (the day we were going to take her out for a special dinner) and Saturday (the day we were going to spend cleaning for her party, baking her birthday cake, and sending her on a scavenger hunt for a super special gift Scott bought her). The timing sucks for that reason, but I told her if she wants to do it, we will do it. Of course, it's yet another fee. I am not quite sure where I will pull it from, because with all these things, it's not like we ever have a chance to put money into some magical savings account, but it's also not like we're struggling SO hard that we can't come up with it. I'm just annoyed because it's ANOTHER FEE. $$$$$$$$ Who says it's the last? Are they going to start emailing in two weeks about some other special thing that's great for the girls that only costs another $40, $60, whatever number of dollars? It's "only" a certain number of dollars to you guys, okay? We spend our money on other things besides sports like books so stop saying its "only" this amount when it all adds together until it's just not possible to squeeze another dollar out of us. I mean, with the internet, everyone charges some fee to participate, a small fee, but it all adds up. I don't fall into that advertising so I don't like feeling manipulated here.
We told Jane that getting into this tournament means cancelling other plans this week. She told her friend she doesn't know if she wants to do it, so her friend argues why she can still make it work with all these other plans. She can say she isn't all that experienced and they'll argue it's good practice. This is another point of contention I feel with all people these days, not just the sport types. Those of us raised with good manners have a hard time saying "no" so we say "we have to wash our hair" er, I mean, "I'm not that experienced and it says it's for people who know what they are doing", "I have other plans", and other polite excuses, but these day, people don't take a hint. They just argue their point until you say no. Well, that's a mannerism I'm okay to lose (I am less flexible about losing manners like how to behave in a nice restaurant and how to treat people who are different...) so I told her if she wants to say no, it's okay to just say no. I have a feeling her friends will talk her into it anyway. This is what "nice girls" get. If she ends up doing something she isn't sure she wants to do and has to give up doing the things she wants to do, isn't that a cousin to bullying?
I feel like we are stuck in a world where people are finally eschewing the tight bounds of spending their lives pleasing other people, but instead of compromising, they just all want it their way now and the meek are left to give in. The loud don't listen to the quiet because they feel the quiet should be loud if they want anything. Who decided pushy is the better way to be? We teach our kids to be assertive, then are surprised when they get confused and turn into bullies. We call it confidence to steamroll over others, and are then hurt when someone steamrolls over us.
I hope Jane loves playing lacrosse, but it's equally important to me that she not only does well in school, but that she excels. I've always felt people lose sight of intelligence when sports enter the picture. Athletes can be intelligent, of course, but is it the priority? Or do sports become the priority? And should they? In this world where people criticize weight and claim it's about health, where do those whose heart race at a good book or live for writing or art fit in?
*Personal side-track: The part where I hold ill will is that one gym teacher used this as the reason she marked me down for my gym grades. She specifically said it was because I didn't ever have the ball in my hands. With volleyball, I started counting other people and observed that if you are skinny and NEVER get it over the net, this is less reason to be teased that being fat and only doing it 30% of the time. I always kinda felt that the other kids should have been marked down for not including me, but gym grades can't be based on test scores, so the question becomes what should they be based upon? Supposedly, they we going to be based on improvement in those presidential workouts like doing more situps in a minute and running the mile faster, but not all of my teachers did so. The one that really made me mad was that I would get up and participate every single day. One girl used her menses for a week every month, stood around, often sat in the corner and hid from the games, and generally tried not to be seen not participating and received a higher grade. I do not think we should ever get rid of gym class, but I don't think a person's grade should depend on their looks.
Team sports. I don't watch them on telly. Over the years I've had opportunities to see them live and those are much more interesting to watch, like a play or any live performance, of course, but I don't really care to spend money on these things. I've been to kids games a couple times to show support. Before elementary school put Jane on a T-ball team for the summer, but the following year we moved out of the area, she started school, and she progressed in karate then started swimming so I didn't give ball games another thought. I am neither a sports fan, obviously, but I am also not a part of that subversive group that hates team sports or harbors ill will from either exclusion or bad experiences.
Not that I am free of those, either. I did like to play basketball in gym at school, but because I was chubby, no one would ever pass me the ball. I also liked volleyball. I wasn't very good, but I tried really hard. Then the girls would make fun of me or rudely say in front of everyone that I shouldn't be allowed to serve because I didn't get it over the net very often.* I wasn't very good at many group games, but I wasn't that horrible. Even still, I was outcast for even trying. Let's not discuss how my weight may have been affected if I just felt included in the sports things, huh?
So when she wanted to start lacrosse, I immediately saw the great things about team sports. Camaraderie, active lifestyle, clear mind, clear body, watching out for others, integrity; yes I know the list goes on and on. I knew it meant I had to deal with those particular women who think that pushing their kids in sports meant they love their kid more than I do. I was ready to sit at games, bored out of my mind, but cheering when my kid made a goal or blocked a pass or whatnot.
What I forgot is the reason why I always felt alienated by "sports" types. This is different from athletic, I don't know if you've noticed. An athletic person just uses life as an excuse to play sports. Sports types are something that I know I'll spend the next few months learning to understand. I'm hesitant to put my feelings into words because in the near future I might learn a lot more. For now, I don't think my opinions are negative, but if they are I don't intend them to be. It seems to me that the sports types are the ones who are amateur cheerleaders. They are more interested in the sports fashion and a certain look than the actual game. They focus on raising money, picking uniforms, and thinking that school spirit relates directly to the sports teams - all very important things, but not the only things in life. Any choice you put first, it feels, that isn't about your kid's sport means you don't care about your kid. Homework is important, as long as it doesn't interfere with game day schedules. Money should be endless for sports even if it means giving up everything else.
Everyone's been generally nice. I know they look at me and hubby and think "fat people=not athletic" which, if they are like me, means "I am not sure how to relate to this person, but let's talk and maybe we'll find something in common!" Sometimes it obviously means "Stupid, lazy, and therefore not really worth my respect, time, conversational skills, or equal treatment." I'm used to that. Been true my whole life.
Still, the first day of practice, we showed up and one of the coaches looked us up and down, then looked at Jane and asked if she had played before. We said no. He responded with "well, she looks pretty fit so maybe she'll do okay." We kindly took the hit and said that she had been in karate before, but is that something he would say to a skinny couple? For years, I just tried not to see these things and give the benefit of the doubt, but lately, I have started to notice just how much people are totally judgmental of fat people and treat us like, generally, we don't have feelings. These people are new in our lives and have no idea how much we've lost. They have no idea that we lead a much healthier lifestyle than, sometimes, they do, but now our bodies have to catch up.
Last weekend, there was a three hour event for all lax players associated with Brighton. This meant boys and girls in grades 4 though 12th. They were doing some fundraisers, I knew, which was great because I know lax is recognized by the schools, but not actually sponsored by them so they have to raise a lot of money to play. Information also said there would be raffle, drills, and more. We dropped off Jane and her friend, then went to find a parking spot. Parking was atrocious so we parked elsewhere about half a block away. This meant it took about 5 minutes to get back to the park and by then, they were doing catch drills with some older girls which I thought was awesome of them. I like two of them because the one was being friendly. She asked the other youth questions like what's your name? What other sports do you like? Do you enjoy school? The other girl was being a real mentor. "If you do this when you catch the ball, then you're ready to throw faster." And she did it very sweet so that it didn't feel like she was criticizing the girl, just making her a better player.
Jane's counterpart was talking to her friend the entire time about school drama. Don't know if Jane learned a thing, but at least she played catch. I watched and now I think I'm going to hit the thrift shops and garage sales to see if I can find a stick so I can practice with Jane to the best of my ability. Better than nothing, I figure. I can't run and scrimmage and I'm not the best catcher, but I can definitely be someone to keep the ball moving.
Later, these same girls were out on the street selling blankets to raise funds (a $20 minky for $55 because it says Bengals! and, you know, if it says something about the school, it's for sports. Don't see anyone selling these items at German Club, but whatever.) It was in that moment that I realized where 'Woo Girls' (search HIMYM if this is an unfamiliar term) come from and where they go. They are not just women on the town who have nothing going so they have to woo. No, they start out on the side of the road trying to entice drivers to honk in support of the teams, buy blankets, and instead of yelling "Come get your car washed by a cheerleader!" they just yell "WOOOO!!!!"
Then they must go through the phase discussed on How I Met Your Mother and the next thing you know, they are soccer moms. "Wooo!" = someone bought a bake sale cupcake! "Woooo!" = someone showed up at practice!
I don't woo. I am not like Lily who was willing to try. Okay, I take that back. If I was out in public and someone said the new episode of Doctor Who was going to be written by Douglas Adams third cousin, I would definitely yell "WOOO!" but my sports related woos tend to be a lot more subdued. They won't be for Jane's big moments, I hope, but in generally, I just don't get that thrilled.
This weekend, they've been trying to drum up interest in some Ice Breaker Tournament. Well, we are just barely past paying for equipment, practice clothes, three types of registration (each with their own fee) and all the other ways that putting your kids into sports sucks up any extra money you have unless you happen to be a larger income household. They did not tell us what is involved with this tournament, what times it takes place, or anything other than it is on Thursday (Jane's birthday), Friday (the day we were going to take her out for a special dinner) and Saturday (the day we were going to spend cleaning for her party, baking her birthday cake, and sending her on a scavenger hunt for a super special gift Scott bought her). The timing sucks for that reason, but I told her if she wants to do it, we will do it. Of course, it's yet another fee. I am not quite sure where I will pull it from, because with all these things, it's not like we ever have a chance to put money into some magical savings account, but it's also not like we're struggling SO hard that we can't come up with it. I'm just annoyed because it's ANOTHER FEE. $$$$$$$$ Who says it's the last? Are they going to start emailing in two weeks about some other special thing that's great for the girls that only costs another $40, $60, whatever number of dollars? It's "only" a certain number of dollars to you guys, okay? We spend our money on other things besides sports like books so stop saying its "only" this amount when it all adds together until it's just not possible to squeeze another dollar out of us. I mean, with the internet, everyone charges some fee to participate, a small fee, but it all adds up. I don't fall into that advertising so I don't like feeling manipulated here.
We told Jane that getting into this tournament means cancelling other plans this week. She told her friend she doesn't know if she wants to do it, so her friend argues why she can still make it work with all these other plans. She can say she isn't all that experienced and they'll argue it's good practice. This is another point of contention I feel with all people these days, not just the sport types. Those of us raised with good manners have a hard time saying "no" so we say "we have to wash our hair" er, I mean, "I'm not that experienced and it says it's for people who know what they are doing", "I have other plans", and other polite excuses, but these day, people don't take a hint. They just argue their point until you say no. Well, that's a mannerism I'm okay to lose (I am less flexible about losing manners like how to behave in a nice restaurant and how to treat people who are different...) so I told her if she wants to say no, it's okay to just say no. I have a feeling her friends will talk her into it anyway. This is what "nice girls" get. If she ends up doing something she isn't sure she wants to do and has to give up doing the things she wants to do, isn't that a cousin to bullying?
I feel like we are stuck in a world where people are finally eschewing the tight bounds of spending their lives pleasing other people, but instead of compromising, they just all want it their way now and the meek are left to give in. The loud don't listen to the quiet because they feel the quiet should be loud if they want anything. Who decided pushy is the better way to be? We teach our kids to be assertive, then are surprised when they get confused and turn into bullies. We call it confidence to steamroll over others, and are then hurt when someone steamrolls over us.
I hope Jane loves playing lacrosse, but it's equally important to me that she not only does well in school, but that she excels. I've always felt people lose sight of intelligence when sports enter the picture. Athletes can be intelligent, of course, but is it the priority? Or do sports become the priority? And should they? In this world where people criticize weight and claim it's about health, where do those whose heart race at a good book or live for writing or art fit in?
*Personal side-track: The part where I hold ill will is that one gym teacher used this as the reason she marked me down for my gym grades. She specifically said it was because I didn't ever have the ball in my hands. With volleyball, I started counting other people and observed that if you are skinny and NEVER get it over the net, this is less reason to be teased that being fat and only doing it 30% of the time. I always kinda felt that the other kids should have been marked down for not including me, but gym grades can't be based on test scores, so the question becomes what should they be based upon? Supposedly, they we going to be based on improvement in those presidential workouts like doing more situps in a minute and running the mile faster, but not all of my teachers did so. The one that really made me mad was that I would get up and participate every single day. One girl used her menses for a week every month, stood around, often sat in the corner and hid from the games, and generally tried not to be seen not participating and received a higher grade. I do not think we should ever get rid of gym class, but I don't think a person's grade should depend on their looks.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Conformity
Ah, the parenting catch-phrase for a new generation. Not forcing their children to "conform" seems to be the new excuse for creating a belligerent, unintelligent generation.
I love one thing my mother has always said. She felt it was her job to raise adults. In other words, she wasn't there to coddle us and hide us from the truths of the world, but she also wasn't there to scare us into submission with tales of boogey-men who would kidnap us at any moment. Life at home wasn't so wonderful that we wanted to stay there and allow mom to make our dinner or do our laundry well into our thirties, but it wasn't so bad that we felt the need to escape before graduating high school. Many of us stayed a few years after high school, in fact, in order to attend college. Not all of us finished, but we felt that we had the options, the possibility. We wanted to prove that we could do it on our own and it's a feeling of self-confidence I'm just not seeing often in the current generations.
Which brings me back to conformity. In a recent conversation, a single working mother was lamenting the fact that her son (Jane's age) has homework. Well, we never had homework in elementary school. It's the school's job to teach our children, not ours, she says, to which I agree. Last year, some of Jane's homework required me to teach her how to do things. It angered me because homework should, imo, be used to drive the points home, to practice, not so that I know what to teach her. It led to many contentious evenings of frustration. I love her, but there is a reason I did not become an elementary school teacher. I have not the patience! I don't want to spend the evening with my child helping him do homework. That's not my opinion of quality time, she adds. It is true that the schools try to push homework as quality time, but that's not their job and it's overstepping their bounds. Who are they to decide what quality time is? Arguing because I don't have the patience to help her understand something is not quality. Letting her read to me might be quality, but I actually take her places and sit down and have conversations with her so I don't need them to force this "quality" time. The parents who don't spend time with their children are not usually looking to ignore quality time - they're just too busy. It takes a lot of hours away from the family to make money if you're unskilled, you know. Money doesn't buy happiness, but happiness doesn't buy groceries! He might be suffering for it, but I refuse to conform, she declares, to which she restates and continually ends her arguments with "I will not conform".
Therein lies my problem. You will not conform to the school's attempt at educating your child? Instead of failing to turn in homework and then waiting until they call asking for it and saying it's not your problem (a scenario she described) you ought to be proactive. You need to go into the school and tell them what you think. If you don't like the system, speak out. Even if you don't change it, it's not fair for you to sit at home, screwing your child's education, and claiming you will not conform. Homework, a device used to teach good study habits and to reiterate those things taught in school is, imo, a good idea. Homework which they bring home and don't understand deserves, at the very least, a note attached when it is returned to school the next day informing the teacher that he/she should spend a little more time teaching the particular subject.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not a conformist. I'm not a non-conformist. Fact is, I despise labels and refuse to wear them. I make every effort (and while it's impossible in every aspect of life, I do attempt) to shun the labels people try to give me. I struggle, of course, with the ones that play on particular insecurities. (I am not stupid. I am not stupid. I am not stupid.) I struggle with these labels every day, but isn't that what we are really hoping for when we are raising our children to be "non-conformist"? I am a mother, but I do hate being categorized with mothers. I stay-at-home, but I hate being lumped into the group of stay-at-home mothers. The fact that I am married and have a child is, at times, a struggle for me to accept because it's just so... normal. The argument then becomes this; if you are intentionally not doing something just because it is normal, isn't that conforming? Conforming to the idea of what non-conforming is? In the end, what we really want is not to conform or not-conform. It is to be honest about who we are, what we like, and not hide that from the world.
This is also something I have been trying to do all my life, but it is also something I'm realizing is nearly impossible. Whether you want to or not, you put on a mask to face the world. Whether you are protecting yourself from getting hurt or you are reacting to your surroundings, you will catch yourself wearing -at least a partial- mask.
I hope that Jane questions authority. I hope that she questions everything. "Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly."~Dalai Lama. How will these kids know what questions to ask if they haven't learned how to ask them? If everything to a child has no boundaries, they will lust for borders instead of trying to break them down.
On another note, we're also talking about options and success. Now her child is in need of special help at school - most likely because of this hands-off approach to his education. We want our children to become anything they want to be. Do these parents not see that if the child fails in school, is unable to get along with other people, is a distraction to other students (because we should not forget about those who suffer with your self-indulgent parenting style), and does not learn basic respect that he or she will have limited options when they reach adulthood? Getting into a decent college will be difficult if they even have a desire to go and without the study skills and respect for others necessary, they won't last until graduation.
Weigh your options. Don't disobey the rules just for the sake of belligerence and disobedience. Break the rules that are worth breaking, but don't damage your child's future just to be the coolest kid in school - or the coolest parent on the block.
I love one thing my mother has always said. She felt it was her job to raise adults. In other words, she wasn't there to coddle us and hide us from the truths of the world, but she also wasn't there to scare us into submission with tales of boogey-men who would kidnap us at any moment. Life at home wasn't so wonderful that we wanted to stay there and allow mom to make our dinner or do our laundry well into our thirties, but it wasn't so bad that we felt the need to escape before graduating high school. Many of us stayed a few years after high school, in fact, in order to attend college. Not all of us finished, but we felt that we had the options, the possibility. We wanted to prove that we could do it on our own and it's a feeling of self-confidence I'm just not seeing often in the current generations.
Which brings me back to conformity. In a recent conversation, a single working mother was lamenting the fact that her son (Jane's age) has homework. Well, we never had homework in elementary school. It's the school's job to teach our children, not ours, she says, to which I agree. Last year, some of Jane's homework required me to teach her how to do things. It angered me because homework should, imo, be used to drive the points home, to practice, not so that I know what to teach her. It led to many contentious evenings of frustration. I love her, but there is a reason I did not become an elementary school teacher. I have not the patience! I don't want to spend the evening with my child helping him do homework. That's not my opinion of quality time, she adds. It is true that the schools try to push homework as quality time, but that's not their job and it's overstepping their bounds. Who are they to decide what quality time is? Arguing because I don't have the patience to help her understand something is not quality. Letting her read to me might be quality, but I actually take her places and sit down and have conversations with her so I don't need them to force this "quality" time. The parents who don't spend time with their children are not usually looking to ignore quality time - they're just too busy. It takes a lot of hours away from the family to make money if you're unskilled, you know. Money doesn't buy happiness, but happiness doesn't buy groceries! He might be suffering for it, but I refuse to conform, she declares, to which she restates and continually ends her arguments with "I will not conform".
Therein lies my problem. You will not conform to the school's attempt at educating your child? Instead of failing to turn in homework and then waiting until they call asking for it and saying it's not your problem (a scenario she described) you ought to be proactive. You need to go into the school and tell them what you think. If you don't like the system, speak out. Even if you don't change it, it's not fair for you to sit at home, screwing your child's education, and claiming you will not conform. Homework, a device used to teach good study habits and to reiterate those things taught in school is, imo, a good idea. Homework which they bring home and don't understand deserves, at the very least, a note attached when it is returned to school the next day informing the teacher that he/she should spend a little more time teaching the particular subject.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not a conformist. I'm not a non-conformist. Fact is, I despise labels and refuse to wear them. I make every effort (and while it's impossible in every aspect of life, I do attempt) to shun the labels people try to give me. I struggle, of course, with the ones that play on particular insecurities. (I am not stupid. I am not stupid. I am not stupid.) I struggle with these labels every day, but isn't that what we are really hoping for when we are raising our children to be "non-conformist"? I am a mother, but I do hate being categorized with mothers. I stay-at-home, but I hate being lumped into the group of stay-at-home mothers. The fact that I am married and have a child is, at times, a struggle for me to accept because it's just so... normal. The argument then becomes this; if you are intentionally not doing something just because it is normal, isn't that conforming? Conforming to the idea of what non-conforming is? In the end, what we really want is not to conform or not-conform. It is to be honest about who we are, what we like, and not hide that from the world.
This is also something I have been trying to do all my life, but it is also something I'm realizing is nearly impossible. Whether you want to or not, you put on a mask to face the world. Whether you are protecting yourself from getting hurt or you are reacting to your surroundings, you will catch yourself wearing -at least a partial- mask.
I hope that Jane questions authority. I hope that she questions everything. "Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly."~Dalai Lama. How will these kids know what questions to ask if they haven't learned how to ask them? If everything to a child has no boundaries, they will lust for borders instead of trying to break them down.
On another note, we're also talking about options and success. Now her child is in need of special help at school - most likely because of this hands-off approach to his education. We want our children to become anything they want to be. Do these parents not see that if the child fails in school, is unable to get along with other people, is a distraction to other students (because we should not forget about those who suffer with your self-indulgent parenting style), and does not learn basic respect that he or she will have limited options when they reach adulthood? Getting into a decent college will be difficult if they even have a desire to go and without the study skills and respect for others necessary, they won't last until graduation.
Weigh your options. Don't disobey the rules just for the sake of belligerence and disobedience. Break the rules that are worth breaking, but don't damage your child's future just to be the coolest kid in school - or the coolest parent on the block.
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