Stupid Things

I will come back and update this post as needed.  I know it's not very nice, nor am I above saying stupid things, but I am nonetheless going to document. I swear to the almighty muse, these are true.  I have experienced them *myself*.

STUPID THINGS "WRITERS" SAY/DO

1. (self-published author) "I have it published in every language!"  Moderator of our writing group. "Wow, did you hire a service?  How do we do that?"  Response: "No, no, no.  Google will do a translation for free."
~PRO TIP: Have you ever read a quote or small post from another country that has been translated by Google?  Have you received instructions on packaging that read something like "put flame to up push through wire" and had no idea what they are talking about because there is no wire and you shouldn't be using flame?  THIS IS HOW YOUR BOOKS READ TO OTHERS, LADY!  Google translate is NOT for publishing in other countries.  HAHAHAHA.  She seemed to have NO IDEA what she had done.

2. "I have an idea for a book.  I just need to write it."
~ Yes.  You do.  And then the hard work begins.
    I mean, starting a book isn't that hard.  Finishing it is an incredible feat people seem to forget.  Then you have to reread it and realize that you just starting writing so you're not very good.  Then you go to magazines or somewhere to find that what you thought were the rules of writing as discussed in high school English missed important details like passive sentences, using the word "just", and unnatural dialog will now need to be edited line by line.  Eventually, you'll want feedback from someone honest because, frankly, we are all amazing in our own heads, even when we constantly think we are stupid people and terrible writers.  You'll learn that feedback can suck, too, because other writers might want your work to sound like their work so you have to take everything with a grain of salt.  I've seen authors who reject every edit offered because "They are wrong" and I've also seen authors who take every edit because "They know something I don't."  What I do is look at every single edit individually and then decide by myself if it needs to be changed or not.  Putting it back into your own judgement of whether or not you are a good enough writer to know what's best.  Now if that isn't circular enough to make you crazy, then you aren't a real writer, yet.

3.  "I'm going to write it and then I just have to get it in the hands of a publisher."
~Good fucking luck.  You haven't even written it yet and you think that getting it into the hands of a publisher is, what?  Being a barista at Starbucks and handing a customer a latte?  First off, they didn't ask for latte.  Secondly, they don't want your latte.  Thirdly, someone already gave them the espresso they ordered.  They won't be looking for another until tomorrow.  Lastly, THEY AREN'T STANDING IN STARBUCKS WAITING FOR YOU!

I mean, my credentials are pretty low, but I've talked to people whose closest useful creds are "I graduated high school", "I can tell when someone used your instead of you're on Facebook", "I smoked weed last weekend and felt incredibly creative," "I am smarter than the other people in my yoga class"... I'll probably think of more, later, but ya know?  Get real!