I wish I was dead.  I never wanted to be alive this long anyway.

Have a cell phone? You're getting ripped off.

Do you have a cell phone?  So does, it seems, everyone.  I know I do and I love the convenience of certain features, but the fact is, we're getting ripped off.

And we're about to get ripped off even more.

I am so frustrated with technology and, currently, the entire wireless takeover, that I am having trouble organizing all my thoughts, so I will begin with:

Creating an expectation
And this really is just the beginning.

Granted, not many people can say they have seen one of these in a functioning capacity for a while:




 But my mom still has one of these on her wall which works just fine:

Meanwhile, these are being turned into kitchen timers and alternate household gadgets, apparently:

But the best I can hope for this:

...is about 3 years.  

We learned early on when we first got our cell phones (even in 2002, we were a little behind the times) that if you tried to make it last any longer, the wireless companies would screw you by no longer providing service to your style of phone.  They are coded with certain receivers and those codes are slowly phased out over time so that, eventually, it is a paperweight whether you made it last or not.  Those television jokes about people using the old brick-sized Motorolla is just that - a joke - because no company will provide service to that phone unless you are more technically savvy than I and have found some way of tweaking it internally to trick them into thinking it is currently recognized.

Those old phones lasted forever and even when cordless came along, you paid about $80 for a decent one that would last 5-7 years and at the very least, it lasted until the phone itself broke.  The companies had not, at that point, figured out how to make your phone obsolete even if you are a frugal, careful person.  Why take care of my phone?  I'm going to have to replace it anyway no matter how much I like it and how much I DISLIKE the replacement.

Of course, that's not much of an issue considering they are made of cheap plastic parts and flimsy frames so that it breaks easily no matter how careful you are.  Women have had to carry junk around in their purse for years so they know how things have to hold together and be made well in order to last.  Normally, men wouldn't carry something as delicate as a glass doll in their pockets, but now they do it every day.  We all toss them around casually as though the screens won't break from a sideways glance and the cases won't fall apart from a 2 foot fall, but the fact is, these are the two main complaints about phones broken within the first couple months of use.  A matchbox car is more durable than a cell phone!

Our phones are basically plastic toys with expensive maintenance plans.  How much did you pay for your last phone?  Was it worth more than a matchbox car?

But it has all these cool things!

Right.  Like a calculator you could buy for $1?  And cameras.  Even the best cameras on a cell phone (which will run you at least $300) are like the low end, $70-$80 cameras in quality.  If you want the best quality for pictures, you have to get a real camera.  Yeah, your phone pics look great on the screen and sometimes even on Facebook at 300 square pixels, but you can't blow it up unto an 8x10 or larger photograph like you can with any cheap camera that costs half as much as your new 'camera' phone.  Additionally, doesn't require data plans nor will it expire or stop working for YEARS.  Granted, these things are handy, but they are handy in the way that free gifts with purchase are sometimes handy.  A calculator and stopwatch aren't exactly expensive high-end technology.  They're just nifty.

Moving up in technology, of course, are things that are more useful, like GPS, but those don't come on stupid phones.  Those are smart phone only features and are often apps which cost money just to add to your phone and again you're looking at $200+ to get a phone like that.  (Even most deals with commitment are at least $100, but don't forget your upgrade fees, taxes, etc so $200 is about what you need to have in expendable cash at any given time).  Once you have a smart phone, you can't get the free-phone deals anymore and you're generally committed to a data plan (unless you are going to go rogue and use wifi, but most companies will make you pay for the data plan to initiate the phone.)

False Discounts

So they get you to sign new contracts every couple of years by offering "discounts" on phones... which means the same as in any other retail endeavor, mark it up so you can mark it down.  The problem is when I go to the grocery store, they've marked up a product approximately 100% (double their cost) so that they can mark it down 10% and still pay overhead.

I don't have a smartphone currently (I'm not against getting one, but I am trying to avoid it...) so let's say I go in to sign a new 2 year contract and get another stupidphone.  I'm now committed to paying about $50 a month for 24 months ($1200, but let's say that's all for services - still, they are pretty much guaranteed to collect that amount from anyone who pays their bill) but I get a phone for $1.  Score?  Sure.  Let's call it that.  Landline service was $24 a month before we got rid of it, but it didn't have fancy features like text and portability.  It did, however, give you the option to cancel at any time.  

But wait!  No more contracts!

Did we really think it would be that simple?  I said immediately when the first company started airing their adverts that they would charge more for the phones in the end to make up for lack of contracts.  Forget rewards for loyalty.  Of course, since it worked for that company, the others are falling in line.  Look at the payments and do some quick math.  By the time you're done, you've paid full price for the phone you used to get at a discount if you just signed the contract.  Since I really, really like my provider, I don't mind signing contracts.  I do mind their "new math", though.  A LOT.

Providers offer "new math" and reps can't fathom reality or choices...
Now, follow along.  This is tricky to explain without the piece of paper the rep used to show us how we are "saving money" with the new deals.

Old plan = you sign a contract and get a discount on your phone.
New plan = you have no contracts, no need to be loyal, no rewards for giving their company your hard earned money, and in exchange, you make payments on your phone, but you can get a new one every 12 months.

Old plan - let's just say for kicks I want an iPhone 64 g.  Let's say the company I am using has it for $700, but if I sign a 2 year, I can get it for $400.  (These are the actual numbers she used last night.)  You pay your upgrade fee bringing your total to $440.  (Now this is where they start to talk fast so you can't interrupt with "and if I don't need that second phone?)  in 12 months, you want a new phone because the newest one is out, or your phone gets lost or broken.  Now you have to buy another at $700, plus another upgrade fee and you've forked out $1180, minimum, over the next year.

BUT!  With the new plan, the exact same phone is only $62 a month for 12 months.  If it gets lost or broken you get a new phone.  That's just $744 which is significantly less than $1180!

So I say; that's assuming you want the latest and greatest phone.  If you don't, then it's a lot more than the $440 to which she responds that it's covered if it gets lost or broken!

Gee... at least the place where I spent hundreds and hundreds for a new stove let me CHOOSE whether or not I wanted the warranty plan.  They let me decide whether I wanted to take my chances and gave me the option to be conservative and cautious so I don't break it in the first 2 years.  Of course, my stove is made of WAY better materials.

These phones - no matter what they do - are plastic pieces of crap.  When else on earth would you walk into a store and willingly spend your money on such flimsy pieces of pocket lint?  I laugh at people online who write reviews of products saying that their new $150 vacuum was made of cheap plastic and not worth the exorbitant cost, but their post gives away that they posted it from a smartphone.

Technology
On top of that, we just got new stupidphones and let me tell you, the technology on those has gone backwards.  Why?  Probably to bully us into smartphones.  This happened at the exact same time Google discontinued its SMS search services... saying that we can just get online to look up addresses and phone numbers.  Not if you don't have a smartphone or any kind of expensive (overpriced - seriously... how much are you charging for a few gigs?  omg!!) data plan.  Thanks a lot, Google.  You are a big bully, too.

Conclusion
I get it.  The companies are in it to make money.  They have a responsibility to their shareholders and they have to make sure the top dogs have enough to buy... what?  What do you buy when you make millions for running a company?  Most of us will never know and that's the nature of capitalism.  The idea is to work harder and smarter and you'll make more money, but the reality is there isn't room for $60 million a year jobs for everyone.  I support capitalism, actually, but only in the purest sense and this country hasn't had pure capitalism for 70+ years.  Slowly, the purity has been corrupted.  I know it's not very popular to admit that I like the idea of capitalism, but I also don't think there is anything wrong with the idea that if you work you have money and if you don't work, you don't.  I do think there is a grey area where we can use tax money to help those who cannot work, but I also think there is a difference between a hand-up and a hand-out...

But I am straying from my point.  I understand companies make more money by getting you to replace their items instead of using it up, wearing it out, and making do. Frankly, we can afford the phones and the plans and all of that... but we can afford things because we don't throw money away on everything so it makes it really hard to pay such a large bill every month for something that is not a necessity like electricity or a luxury that makes you feel safe like better than the cheapest insurance.  I cringe at the satellite bill, too, so it's not phone-exclusive.

At least once a day I consider dumping the cell phone and going back to landline.  The only thing I'd miss is texts and the convenience of my customers being able to contact me while I'm at the mechanic waiting for an oil change.

Is that really worth the expense?

Remind me why I have a cell phone at all?