Parenting tip

Parenting tip #73.  (Don't go looking. I just make up numbers.)

When I read The Baby Whisperer, one thing she said that made a lot of sense was "Start as you mean to go on."  As I recall (a decade later so I expect she said much more on the subject) was that you need to think in terms of the baby's habits... like sleeping in your bed or feeding schedules. 

In reality, this is a great piece of advice which you can relate to many many subjects.  Not only start as you mean to go on, but also have you kids behave at home as you would like them to behave elsewhere.

Based totally on my own observation, I think parents lose perspective when they are with their kids; particularly stay-at-home moms.  Yeah, I'm one, but I did think in these terms which I *believe* reduced the annoying things my kid did.  At least, I got lots of compliments about how well behaved she was and it was partly because I respected her so she respected me and others.

Specific examples of what I'm saying:  If you let you kid jump on the couch at your house, they'll do it on other couches.  Fine if you don't care about your own furniture, but stop and think for a minute.  If your mom just bought a new, nice couch, would you want to bring your kids in and start letting them jump on it in muddy shoes?  No.  Do you really think it's polite to let them do it at, say, the library?  No.  So maybe, even if it doesn't bother you, you should not let them do it at home.  It doesn't have to be a big punishment deal, just show that you expect them to not jump on the furniture and eventually they'll learn not to do it.  Let them learn this at home instead of having them do it at someone's house and waiting until your friend looks frustrated, upset, and doesn't want your kids to come over anymore.  That creates a feeling they should be punished for jumping on it.  If they aren't really allowed at home, then you don't have to punish, over time it becomes something you just don't do.  Like throwing food.  Kids do it, but you don't let them continue to do it, do you?  But you also don't have to yell and scream to make them stop.  You just have to give a look that says you are not amused and say "Please don't do that."  They'll do it again, of course, but I haven't seen very many 4 year olds who throw their food across the room unless they are totally neglected.  Why is jumping on furniture more allowed?

I mean, I just see a lot of kids whose parent or baby sitter entertains them all day - in their face, talking, leading games, etc.  There should definitely be a certain amount of structured play, but as adults, they won't have someone to entertain them.  If they learn how to entertain themselves, it encourages their creativity and teaches them that it's okay to take chances, but also gives them practice on finding ways to entertain themselves.  Sometimes a mom becomes so accustomed to the life and lose perspective that they don't realize other things.  I've seen situations where a mom thinks it is amusing that her kid wants to join her in the bathroom.  Later I'll hear from someone who babysat the same kid that the kid walked in on them in the bathroom - awkward!  So teach you kids boundaries and respect by giving them boundaries and showing them respect.  How will they learn to live in the world if you don't make them live in it every day?  If you make your house too kid friendly and let the kids set the patterns for every little thing, it's not a real world.