Parenting tip #73. (Don't go looking. I just make up numbers.)
When I read The Baby Whisperer, one thing she said that made a lot of sense was "Start as you mean to go on." As I recall (a decade later so I expect she said much more on the subject) was that you need to think in terms of the baby's habits... like sleeping in your bed or feeding schedules.
In reality, this is a great piece of advice which you can relate to many many subjects. Not only start as you mean to go on, but also have you kids behave at home as you would like them to behave elsewhere.
Based totally on my own observation, I think parents lose perspective when they are with their kids; particularly stay-at-home moms. Yeah, I'm one, but I did think in these terms which I *believe* reduced the annoying things my kid did. At least, I got lots of compliments about how well behaved she was and it was partly because I respected her so she respected me and others.
Specific examples of what I'm saying: If you let you kid jump on the couch at your house, they'll do it on other couches. Fine if you don't care about your own furniture, but stop and think for a minute. If your mom just bought a new, nice couch, would you want to bring your kids in and start letting them jump on it in muddy shoes? No. Do you really think it's polite to let them do it at, say, the library? No. So maybe, even if it doesn't bother you, you should not let them do it at home. It doesn't have to be a big punishment deal, just show that you expect them to not jump on the furniture and eventually they'll learn not to do it. Let them learn this at home instead of having them do it at someone's house and waiting until your friend looks frustrated, upset, and doesn't want your kids to come over anymore. That creates a feeling they should be punished for jumping on it. If they aren't really allowed at home, then you don't have to punish, over time it becomes something you just don't do. Like throwing food. Kids do it, but you don't let them continue to do it, do you? But you also don't have to yell and scream to make them stop. You just have to give a look that says you are not amused and say "Please don't do that." They'll do it again, of course, but I haven't seen very many 4 year olds who throw their food across the room unless they are totally neglected. Why is jumping on furniture more allowed?
I mean, I just see a lot of kids whose parent or baby sitter entertains them all day - in their face, talking, leading games, etc. There should definitely be a certain amount of structured play, but as adults, they won't have someone to entertain them. If they learn how to entertain themselves, it encourages their creativity and teaches them that it's okay to take chances, but also gives them practice on finding ways to entertain themselves. Sometimes a mom becomes so accustomed to the life and lose perspective that they don't realize other things. I've seen situations where a mom thinks it is amusing that her kid wants to join her in the bathroom. Later I'll hear from someone who babysat the same kid that the kid walked in on them in the bathroom - awkward! So teach you kids boundaries and respect by giving them boundaries and showing them respect. How will they learn to live in the world if you don't make them live in it every day? If you make your house too kid friendly and let the kids set the patterns for every little thing, it's not a real world.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Cooking
I've divided myself into so many pieces I don't know how to become one again. Note to the right, I have several blogs. Well, I probably should just have one for everything. Was dieting, working on low cal menus and such, but lately I don't care and I also miss baking A LOT.
So:
Pinata apples. Just found these at local farmer's market. Well, they call themselves a farmer's market, but I'm a little hesitant because one bonus of farmer's market shopping is supposed to be supporting the local economy and reducing the emissions of transportation, yet this particular place ships products from all over central and south america. Still, their fruits and veg last longer so we shop there often. Pinata apples are super crisp and just the right amount of sweetness I personally like. Plus, of course, they're pretty!
BBQ beef sandwiches. Used this bread recipe (from my sister's webpage) to make the buns and will be putting the bbq pork version on our webpage soon. The bun was perfect with this sandwich! I'll be doing that from now on.
I could go on and on, but I just did a bunch for St. Patrick's Day. We started off with a "traditional" breakfast...according to sources on the internet that don't seem overly reliable, but at the same time it makes sense. Ireland is full of farmers, moisture, and people who would likely raise goats, pigs, sheep, and/or chickens. The ingredients are easy to grow, farm, or produce in such climate so it seems pretty logical. Oh, and of course a side of coffee with Bailey's Irish Cream Creamer (made into a cheap latte, basically. I don't spend $5 of lattes. I just use sweetener and extra cream as a treat sometimes. Tastes even better than Starbucks, imo.)
Next we made soda bread. It was a very traditional recipe until we added the craisins and dried blueberries. It was good, but I think I can do better. Jane loves. I mean, it really is pretty good, but Sprouts Market (the aforementioned farmer's market) makes a really sweet and tasty one we have bought for dessert. This is much more bread, less sweet. I'm thinking it might make a delightful piece of french toast later this week. YUM. (The vein of green is food coloring, just to be clear. Hubby helped mix it up.)
For dinner, I've never been fond of the smell of cooking cabbage. Corned beef can be pricey and, well, beefy. I don't like beef a lot. We're sort of weaning all meat from our diet, but very slowly. Since my hysterectomy, I can't see a huge logical reason to need much iron, vitamin b, than we can get from beans, spinach, and a well rounded diet. Anyway, we went for another popular dish in the area - Bangers and Mash. These are apple and sage chicken sausages Only, mine's satanic bangers and mash. With an Irish sharp cheddar smile. Then I moved it around and added more delicious tomato.
Afterwards, we went for the greener side of the day; mint brownies. These were delicious, but didn't turn out very pretty. As usual, the brownie part was blah. I have tried half a dozen home made brownie recipes and have yet to find one that is half as good as Ghiradelli's box mix. I know, I know! I have never, ever said home made is not as good as box mixes before, but I just cannot find a recipe with the perfect blend, texture, and taste of that mix I pick up at Costco - although I haven't bought it since we went on our diet. Even though we are, in most senses, off of our diet, I still try not to buy mixes and keep that kind of thing around the house. I figure if I want it, I'll have to make it from scratch - which often keeps me from making goodies - better for waistline. It doesn't always work, but it helps.
So:
For dinner, I've never been fond of the smell of cooking cabbage. Corned beef can be pricey and, well, beefy. I don't like beef a lot. We're sort of weaning all meat from our diet, but very slowly. Since my hysterectomy, I can't see a huge logical reason to need much iron, vitamin b, than we can get from beans, spinach, and a well rounded diet. Anyway, we went for another popular dish in the area - Bangers and Mash. These are apple and sage chicken sausages Only, mine's satanic bangers and mash. With an Irish sharp cheddar smile. Then I moved it around and added more delicious tomato.
Afterwards, we went for the greener side of the day; mint brownies. These were delicious, but didn't turn out very pretty. As usual, the brownie part was blah. I have tried half a dozen home made brownie recipes and have yet to find one that is half as good as Ghiradelli's box mix. I know, I know! I have never, ever said home made is not as good as box mixes before, but I just cannot find a recipe with the perfect blend, texture, and taste of that mix I pick up at Costco - although I haven't bought it since we went on our diet. Even though we are, in most senses, off of our diet, I still try not to buy mixes and keep that kind of thing around the house. I figure if I want it, I'll have to make it from scratch - which often keeps me from making goodies - better for waistline. It doesn't always work, but it helps.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
It's all about the money...
Due to circumstances beyond her control, Jane had to quit karate last summer. Next belt, brown. Get a couple levels, then she would have been a black belt. ARGH! We offered to let her take them somewhere else, but she felt too burned by the whole situation so while she can defend herself pretty well, she won't ever be able to say she has a belt anyone can recognize as tough. Oh well.
Now, Jane wants to start up lacrosse. Ok! Great activity. Fun. I'm not much into sports, but it could be great for her. No objections, really. It's not like if we got her into a different karate school it would not have cost us a small fortune every month, but still...
Slap, smack, wallop! First they say you have to register with US Lacrosse in order to register with the Utah Lacrosse Association. $25. Now you must register with ULA to get assigned to a team. $95. (Good thing I started looking early. If I had waited until this month, it would have been $120). I talked to ULA on the phone and they said "Yes, you must pay both fees, but once you do, you're all registered and that's it".
Well, not exactly. She wanted to be on the Brighton team with her friend which is great, but then they say you have to pay $45 to register with them. Next email specifies this is not related to the other two fees.
I bought cheap equipment for $80 after looking for used, online classified, asking friends, etc. Will likely have to replace the stick at some point because I have read a bunch that starter sticks are just that. A decent stick will likely be well over $120. She wanted the cool fang mouth guards. $14. New sneakers $45. An outfit, $10. Now they asking about inform sizes so I hope it's included and I don't have to pay another fee for that.
I didn't think it would be so bad because, you know, tax returns. Then teeth (bad problems, expensive!!) new tires, where else did all the money go? I can't even remember it all, but I know almost all of it was important stuff. Oh, and Scott's eye. His implant slipped. A specialist says "We can't see you until your regular eye Dr sees it. $30 copay. Then to specialist. $30. "Oh, I'm so amazing that even though I am affiliated with a hospital covered by your insurance, I refuse to do it there. We have to do it here." Call insurance. They will cover 60% of what they think the surgery should cost. Call around. And around. Allowable charges are around $1500. This guy's place is over $2000 so insurance will cover only 60% of 1500 and then we have to pay the 40%, PLUS his extra fees. So, it's not about him being so amazing he's arrogant; it's about him screwing people over for MORE MONEY.
So now we have to find ANOTHER guy. Well, this other doctor was considered the best dr. in utah for years and put the implant in when Scott was 22. Let's call his office. "Oh yes. Such and such took over and he can do it." $30 and then he says he can't. This is after each Dr says he can't use the previous dr.s records so he has to run all his own tests - with eye problems, this means a day of migraines automatically, btw. Finally we have an eye surgeon who can do it, but it will be yet another $30 and then we'll have to pay for the surgery (because it's still only 80% covered in a facility approved by the insurance.)
It picks and picks at your funds when you finally have them until there is nothing left. It's getting harder and harder to save money, too, so that we have something set aside in case stuff like this happens. Does making more money really solve anything? I'm sure it seems like it should, but the more money we make, the more things seem to go wrong.
Now, Jane wants to start up lacrosse. Ok! Great activity. Fun. I'm not much into sports, but it could be great for her. No objections, really. It's not like if we got her into a different karate school it would not have cost us a small fortune every month, but still...
Slap, smack, wallop! First they say you have to register with US Lacrosse in order to register with the Utah Lacrosse Association. $25. Now you must register with ULA to get assigned to a team. $95. (Good thing I started looking early. If I had waited until this month, it would have been $120). I talked to ULA on the phone and they said "Yes, you must pay both fees, but once you do, you're all registered and that's it".
Well, not exactly. She wanted to be on the Brighton team with her friend which is great, but then they say you have to pay $45 to register with them. Next email specifies this is not related to the other two fees.
I bought cheap equipment for $80 after looking for used, online classified, asking friends, etc. Will likely have to replace the stick at some point because I have read a bunch that starter sticks are just that. A decent stick will likely be well over $120. She wanted the cool fang mouth guards. $14. New sneakers $45. An outfit, $10. Now they asking about inform sizes so I hope it's included and I don't have to pay another fee for that.
I didn't think it would be so bad because, you know, tax returns. Then teeth (bad problems, expensive!!) new tires, where else did all the money go? I can't even remember it all, but I know almost all of it was important stuff. Oh, and Scott's eye. His implant slipped. A specialist says "We can't see you until your regular eye Dr sees it. $30 copay. Then to specialist. $30. "Oh, I'm so amazing that even though I am affiliated with a hospital covered by your insurance, I refuse to do it there. We have to do it here." Call insurance. They will cover 60% of what they think the surgery should cost. Call around. And around. Allowable charges are around $1500. This guy's place is over $2000 so insurance will cover only 60% of 1500 and then we have to pay the 40%, PLUS his extra fees. So, it's not about him being so amazing he's arrogant; it's about him screwing people over for MORE MONEY.
So now we have to find ANOTHER guy. Well, this other doctor was considered the best dr. in utah for years and put the implant in when Scott was 22. Let's call his office. "Oh yes. Such and such took over and he can do it." $30 and then he says he can't. This is after each Dr says he can't use the previous dr.s records so he has to run all his own tests - with eye problems, this means a day of migraines automatically, btw. Finally we have an eye surgeon who can do it, but it will be yet another $30 and then we'll have to pay for the surgery (because it's still only 80% covered in a facility approved by the insurance.)
It picks and picks at your funds when you finally have them until there is nothing left. It's getting harder and harder to save money, too, so that we have something set aside in case stuff like this happens. Does making more money really solve anything? I'm sure it seems like it should, but the more money we make, the more things seem to go wrong.
Monday, March 11, 2013
I should know things by now that would make a difference, but I never learn.
I am pissed today for no good reason. When I'm angry for no reason, I think it means I'm depressed. Does it always appear as sad and lethargic? I mean, I know when I'm sad sometimes I'm just sad, but sometimes I'm depressed.
The other thing I don't really learn is what to do about it. I mean, at times I eat better, do service, distract myself, and exercise. Other times, I am still depressed or there are times when I know I'm depressed but it's kind of too late because I today I could probably do service, distract myself, do a dance video, or stop drinking this cup of coffee and eating this muffin, but I don't. Because I don't care. I mean, why should I? What I don't get is people saying "This is what you do to not be depressed" Well, who cares? No one cares if I'm happy, sad, angry, or, frankly, existent so why am I under such obligation to do a damn thing about it?
And I pointed out to my friend that I get soo sooo sick of people saying that happiness is a choice and if you just make yourself be happy, it will work. Or things like the only people who say it's impossible to be happy all the time are people who aren't happy. Well, I guess that can be true, but happiness is a bite in the ass. If I'm happy, then I can be sad. The only way I have figured out how not to be sad or angry is to shut off all emotion altogether and that only works so long before a person gets tired and just can't take it anymore. Then they are either dead inside or sad. I can be super positive sometimes, but I just don't understand how some people can criticize people who are unhappy and act like they have no idea what it's like to be unhappy. Can someone explain this to me? It baffles me a lot of the time.
I'm just angry. I'm not in a bad bad place because I'm not worried about myself, really. Just don't like being angry, yet I am not able to un-angry myself so far or care about doing the things that might even work.
I've been writing and editing the last few weeks which is the only thing that makes my heart sing. It's not something I was able to do for a few months so I think it's a good sign.
Then today came.
I am pissed today for no good reason. When I'm angry for no reason, I think it means I'm depressed. Does it always appear as sad and lethargic? I mean, I know when I'm sad sometimes I'm just sad, but sometimes I'm depressed.
The other thing I don't really learn is what to do about it. I mean, at times I eat better, do service, distract myself, and exercise. Other times, I am still depressed or there are times when I know I'm depressed but it's kind of too late because I today I could probably do service, distract myself, do a dance video, or stop drinking this cup of coffee and eating this muffin, but I don't. Because I don't care. I mean, why should I? What I don't get is people saying "This is what you do to not be depressed" Well, who cares? No one cares if I'm happy, sad, angry, or, frankly, existent so why am I under such obligation to do a damn thing about it?
And I pointed out to my friend that I get soo sooo sick of people saying that happiness is a choice and if you just make yourself be happy, it will work. Or things like the only people who say it's impossible to be happy all the time are people who aren't happy. Well, I guess that can be true, but happiness is a bite in the ass. If I'm happy, then I can be sad. The only way I have figured out how not to be sad or angry is to shut off all emotion altogether and that only works so long before a person gets tired and just can't take it anymore. Then they are either dead inside or sad. I can be super positive sometimes, but I just don't understand how some people can criticize people who are unhappy and act like they have no idea what it's like to be unhappy. Can someone explain this to me? It baffles me a lot of the time.
I'm just angry. I'm not in a bad bad place because I'm not worried about myself, really. Just don't like being angry, yet I am not able to un-angry myself so far or care about doing the things that might even work.
I've been writing and editing the last few weeks which is the only thing that makes my heart sing. It's not something I was able to do for a few months so I think it's a good sign.
Then today came.
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