Let's start with the fact that I know everything about parenting.
I went to the store with my sister. Look, I love her, but she's crazy. She's got 5 kids and I know she loves them. I know she believes in certain things regarding the rearing of children that I find insane. Avoiding the word no is one of them.
Hell to the 'No'
I've heard the parents who believe you should never say the word no. Instead you should distract the child. I've also seen the ones who say no, but don't follow through. The biggest excuse seems to be that they don't want to get into an argument with their kid.
So, you're too exhausted to go head to head with a three year old. Do you think it's going to get easier when they are 15? Hellz to the NO!
You have kids and if you want responsible adults, then you are going to have to put on your big kid undies and remind your kids that you run the household, not them.
I get it with my sister, okay? 5 kids! 3 who are not school age, yet. I got exhausted fighting with my one kid at times, but the best advice I got came from the book The Baby Whisperer
Start as you mean to go on.
THE LESSON: If you mean to give in to your kids' demands for their entire lives, then by all means, give up the fight before it even starts. The quickest way to your kids running the show instead of the parents is by giving them too much power. Too much power is what they feel when Mom is too tired to push back on important issues - ones that affect their future and their siblings.
Holding Hands is for Sissies!
My sister needed me to go grocery shopping with her in order to get supplies for a party for one of her kids. I'm helping prep some food and she wanted some input. We get out of the car with the 3 younger kids. She's carrying the baby and completely oblivious to the other two.
THE LESSON: Until a kid is in kindergarten, you hold their hand to cross the street or in parking lots. This isn't because you worry about the kid running off, it's because it is a little unfair to expect that cars coming through the parking lot can see your little munchkin! Better to attach them to your body. Not enough hands? Teach them to grab a pocket or carry ribbon with you. You think you've taught your kid not to wonder, but when they see a gumball machine, they will forget the rules.
Whoever Yells the Loudest Wins.
One day, our 13 year old said "Why doesn't [my sister] just say that's the way it is." My husband said "Who runs that house?" and without missing a beat, our 13 year old astutely responsed "Whoever yells the loudest."
Truth.
We were going to say "the kids", but her answer is even more correct.
S would lean forward. L leaned forward. S moved left. L moved left. S sat back and folded her arms. L sat back and folded her arms. S angrily says "Stop copying me. You know it makes me mad. Why would you want to do that?"
I've seen this situation a dozen times at my sister's house. Someone would move a book. Another kid yells. Mom and Dad say "You know that bothers him. Why would you do that?" Or "Just leave it there because he likes it better there."
So, the kid who moved the book doesn't have the right to like the book better where she put it? No, because it's the kid who throws the biggest fit who gets things his way. They say it's OCD, but OCD in this case is being catered to. OCD is fast becoming a serious condition and turning into an excuse. "My crazy trumps your crazy because it's OCD. You have to do it my way, not your way, because I'm OCD." NO. Maybe I really, really like the way I do things. Why do you get to use "OCD" as a blanket term for people to follow your unreasonable demands? This is what they are teaching their kids. They come first as long as they whine about it longer and louder than anyone else.
I've met those adults. They are no fun to be around and make everyone else miserable. YAY!
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