My daughter wanted to play lacrosse (lax) and I thought "Sure!" Being educated and informed, I know there are many fantastic benefits of a kid being involved in sports. She's done karate and swimming so "active" is not new in her list of descriptions, but team sports are a whole new beast.
Team sports. I don't watch them on telly. Over the years I've had opportunities to see them live and those are much more interesting to watch, like a play or any live performance, of course, but I don't really care to spend money on these things. I've been to kids games a couple times to show support. Before elementary school put Jane on a T-ball team for the summer, but the following year we moved out of the area, she started school, and she progressed in karate then started swimming so I didn't give ball games another thought. I am neither a sports fan, obviously, but I am also not a part of that subversive group that hates team sports or harbors ill will from either exclusion or bad experiences.
Not that I am free of those, either. I did like to play basketball in gym at school, but because I was chubby, no one would ever pass me the ball. I also liked volleyball. I wasn't very good, but I tried really hard. Then the girls would make fun of me or rudely say in front of everyone that I shouldn't be allowed to serve because I didn't get it over the net very often.* I wasn't very good at many group games, but I wasn't that horrible. Even still, I was outcast for even trying. Let's not discuss how my weight may have been affected if I just felt included in the sports things, huh?
So when she wanted to start lacrosse, I immediately saw the great things about team sports. Camaraderie, active lifestyle, clear mind, clear body, watching out for others, integrity; yes I know the list goes on and on. I knew it meant I had to deal with those particular women who think that pushing their kids in sports meant they love their kid more than I do. I was ready to sit at games, bored out of my mind, but cheering when my kid made a goal or blocked a pass or whatnot.
What I forgot is the reason why I always felt alienated by "sports" types. This is different from athletic, I don't know if you've noticed. An athletic person just uses life as an excuse to play sports. Sports types are something that I know I'll spend the next few months learning to understand. I'm hesitant to put my feelings into words because in the near future I might learn a lot more. For now, I don't think my opinions are negative, but if they are I don't intend them to be. It seems to me that the sports types are the ones who are amateur cheerleaders. They are more interested in the sports fashion and a certain look than the actual game. They focus on raising money, picking uniforms, and thinking that school spirit relates directly to the sports teams - all very important things, but not the only things in life. Any choice you put first, it feels, that isn't about your kid's sport means you don't care about your kid. Homework is important, as long as it doesn't interfere with game day schedules. Money should be endless for sports even if it means giving up everything else.
Everyone's been generally nice. I know they look at me and hubby and think "fat people=not athletic" which, if they are like me, means "I am not sure how to relate to this person, but let's talk and maybe we'll find something in common!" Sometimes it obviously means "Stupid, lazy, and therefore not really worth my respect, time, conversational skills, or equal treatment." I'm used to that. Been true my whole life.
Still, the first day of practice, we showed up and one of the coaches looked us up and down, then looked at Jane and asked if she had played before. We said no. He responded with "well, she looks pretty fit so maybe she'll do okay." We kindly took the hit and said that she had been in karate before, but is that something he would say to a skinny couple? For years, I just tried not to see these things and give the benefit of the doubt, but lately, I have started to notice just how much people are totally judgmental of fat people and treat us like, generally, we don't have feelings. These people are new in our lives and have no idea how much we've lost. They have no idea that we lead a much healthier lifestyle than, sometimes, they do, but now our bodies have to catch up.
Last weekend, there was a three hour event for all lax players associated with Brighton. This meant boys and girls in grades 4 though 12th. They were doing some fundraisers, I knew, which was great because I know lax is recognized by the schools, but not actually sponsored by them so they have to raise a lot of money to play. Information also said there would be raffle, drills, and more. We dropped off Jane and her friend, then went to find a parking spot. Parking was atrocious so we parked elsewhere about half a block away. This meant it took about 5 minutes to get back to the park and by then, they were doing catch drills with some older girls which I thought was awesome of them. I like two of them because the one was being friendly. She asked the other youth questions like what's your name? What other sports do you like? Do you enjoy school? The other girl was being a real mentor. "If you do this when you catch the ball, then you're ready to throw faster." And she did it very sweet so that it didn't feel like she was criticizing the girl, just making her a better player.
Jane's counterpart was talking to her friend the entire time about school drama. Don't know if Jane learned a thing, but at least she played catch. I watched and now I think I'm going to hit the thrift shops and garage sales to see if I can find a stick so I can practice with Jane to the best of my ability. Better than nothing, I figure. I can't run and scrimmage and I'm not the best catcher, but I can definitely be someone to keep the ball moving.
Later, these same girls were out on the street selling blankets to raise funds (a $20 minky for $55 because it says Bengals! and, you know, if it says something about the school, it's for sports. Don't see anyone selling these items at German Club, but whatever.) It was in that moment that I realized where 'Woo Girls' (search HIMYM if this is an unfamiliar term) come from and where they go. They are not just women on the town who have nothing going so they have to woo. No, they start out on the side of the road trying to entice drivers to honk in support of the teams, buy blankets, and instead of yelling "Come get your car washed by a cheerleader!" they just yell "WOOOO!!!!"
Then they must go through the phase discussed on How I Met Your Mother and the next thing you know, they are soccer moms. "Wooo!" = someone bought a bake sale cupcake! "Woooo!" = someone showed up at practice!
I don't woo. I am not like Lily who was willing to try. Okay, I take that back. If I was out in public and someone said the new episode of Doctor Who was going to be written by Douglas Adams third cousin, I would definitely yell "WOOO!" but my sports related woos tend to be a lot more subdued. They won't be for Jane's big moments, I hope, but in generally, I just don't get that thrilled.
This weekend, they've been trying to drum up interest in some Ice Breaker Tournament. Well, we are just barely past paying for equipment, practice clothes, three types of registration (each with their own fee) and all the other ways that putting your kids into sports sucks up any extra money you have unless you happen to be a larger income household. They did not tell us what is involved with this tournament, what times it takes place, or anything other than it is on Thursday (Jane's birthday), Friday (the day we were going to take her out for a special dinner) and Saturday (the day we were going to spend cleaning for her party, baking her birthday cake, and sending her on a scavenger hunt for a super special gift Scott bought her). The timing sucks for that reason, but I told her if she wants to do it, we will do it. Of course, it's yet another fee. I am not quite sure where I will pull it from, because with all these things, it's not like we ever have a chance to put money into some magical savings account, but it's also not like we're struggling SO hard that we can't come up with it. I'm just annoyed because it's ANOTHER FEE. $$$$$$$$ Who says it's the last? Are they going to start emailing in two weeks about some other special thing that's great for the girls that only costs another $40, $60, whatever number of dollars? It's "only" a certain number of dollars to you guys, okay? We spend our money on other things besides sports like books so stop saying its "only" this amount when it all adds together until it's just not possible to squeeze another dollar out of us. I mean, with the internet, everyone charges some fee to participate, a small fee, but it all adds up. I don't fall into that advertising so I don't like feeling manipulated here.
We told Jane that getting into this tournament means cancelling other plans this week. She told her friend she doesn't know if she wants to do it, so her friend argues why she can still make it work with all these other plans. She can say she isn't all that experienced and they'll argue it's good practice. This is another point of contention I feel with all people these days, not just the sport types. Those of us raised with good manners have a hard time saying "no" so we say "we have to wash our hair" er, I mean, "I'm not that experienced and it says it's for people who know what they are doing", "I have other plans", and other polite excuses, but these day, people don't take a hint. They just argue their point until you say no. Well, that's a mannerism I'm okay to lose (I am less flexible about losing manners like how to behave in a nice restaurant and how to treat people who are different...) so I told her if she wants to say no, it's okay to just say no. I have a feeling her friends will talk her into it anyway. This is what "nice girls" get. If she ends up doing something she isn't sure she wants to do and has to give up doing the things she wants to do, isn't that a cousin to bullying?
I feel like we are stuck in a world where people are finally eschewing the tight bounds of spending their lives pleasing other people, but instead of compromising, they just all want it their way now and the meek are left to give in. The loud don't listen to the quiet because they feel the quiet should be loud if they want anything. Who decided pushy is the better way to be? We teach our kids to be assertive, then are surprised when they get confused and turn into bullies. We call it confidence to steamroll over others, and are then hurt when someone steamrolls over us.
I hope Jane loves playing lacrosse, but it's equally important to me that she not only does well in school, but that she excels. I've always felt people lose sight of intelligence when sports enter the picture. Athletes can be intelligent, of course, but is it the priority? Or do sports become the priority? And should they? In this world where people criticize weight and claim it's about health, where do those whose heart race at a good book or live for writing or art fit in?
*Personal side-track: The part where I hold ill will is that one gym teacher used this as the reason she marked me down for my gym grades. She specifically said it was because I didn't ever have the ball in my hands. With volleyball, I started counting other people and observed that if you are skinny and NEVER get it over the net, this is less reason to be teased that being fat and only doing it 30% of the time. I always kinda felt that the other kids should have been marked down for not including me, but gym grades can't be based on test scores, so the question becomes what should they be based upon? Supposedly, they we going to be based on improvement in those presidential workouts like doing more situps in a minute and running the mile faster, but not all of my teachers did so. The one that really made me mad was that I would get up and participate every single day. One girl used her menses for a week every month, stood around, often sat in the corner and hid from the games, and generally tried not to be seen not participating and received a higher grade. I do not think we should ever get rid of gym class, but I don't think a person's grade should depend on their looks.
