I was off to a wonderful start in September. I wrote every day. Then a big project came up and I got very little written for a few days. Went back to it, then some stress from every day life made me lose focus. It's easy to say "write every day!" but it's so hard to do.
Now here are the unpopular words.
I notice that a lot of the time when someone advocates writing every single day no matter what, it tends to be men. Going off traditional roles and stereotypes (because sometimes I can't help myself!) I notice that it's mainly men who seem to find that kind of time every day. They also say it's easy to write a book in the evenings after work.
What I'd like to know from the men who say this specifically is who does your laundry? Who cleans the bathroom at your house? Who picks up after you and keeps the kids quiet while you're writing?
Yet I know many writers with families. I can think of one in particular where both people in the couple want to write. She makes time for him to write and he plays on the computer instead. He never makes time for her to write.
I've only come across two female writers in my life who have a spouse, kids, and a job. One of them take months or years to complete a novel.
We look at this like it's a long process, then feel shamed because (and half the time it's men!) will say something like they can whip out a novel in a month. One of the guys in my writing group says he goes from planning to completion in two weeks and that it shouldn't take too much longer if you plan well. Excuse me, sir, but you are single, you are retired, and you don't have any kids visiting.
The point I'm getting around to; there is a certain amount of shaming from both other writers and people who don't write at all. They all want you to whip up a novel and have it perfect, ready for viewing in a month or two and figure if you just toss out a few queries, you'll have that income so stop complaining about money already and just do it.
My experience
It may be different to other experiences. I actually still have it pretty easy. I am responsible for keeping the house in a reasonable level of lived-in-but-not-cluttered state. There are the usual laundry, dishes, and cleaning for which I am responsible. Despite having a great kid who can help clean and is quite responsible, the one place I've fallen short is allowing her and my husband to think I'm the cleanup fairy. Every day I walk around the house picking up garbage, putting dishes in the sink, wiping up little messes made, and that sort of thing.
The other major responsibility is thinking about everything that no one else wants to think about. When anything goes south (and because our household income is modest, everything that isn't planned ahead of time such as car repairs, sick pets, and leaky faucets become "south") I'm the one who researches, fixes, comes up with answers, and makes the decision. I try to involve the spouse, but he responds with "I don't know" and heads off to work.
This is actually a female epidemic. Do you wonder why most receptionists are women? Because women see the holes and are willing to fill them up. Men just say "I don't know" and hand it off. I've observed this a lot over the years. It's not just women stuck to cleaning the house. Even in the supposedly equal working world, they are the ones picking up the pieces because men don't seem interested in that little bit of extra work. Pass it off rather than follow through.
Disclaimer: I realize this isn't always true of the male/female dynamic. I'm not a man hating beast who always pigeon holes the roles, but I really have had a lot of situations to observe between receptionist roles at male dominated companies, working in more female dominated companies, and living in a subculture where stay-at-home mom is much more highly encouraged (and working moms are shamed more than typical)
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
What Inspires Me: Or How to End Up Immortalized in a Novel
People think I'm shy. I don't think I am. I think I'm observing. I pick up as much information as I possibly can because I put it all into a big bowl, shake it up, then dump it out when I write. I didn't actually intend for my first heroine to remind my sister of this one friend I had in high school. She just came out that way. I wasn't looking to recreate my friend's apartment building as the apartment building of the main character's friend in my second book, but it's what I saw in my head and it worked really well for the outdoor scenes I planned. That pain I felt after my Dad died? Yeah, that ended up in the pain a character felt for another loss. It's all there, bleeding on the page; what I think about you, my life, and the world at large.
So, basically, if you do something stupid, funny, or interesting, you may end up immortalized.
Also, I was challenged on Facebook to put 7 sentences from page 7 of my current work. I don't do those memes on Facebook ever for a variety of reasons, but for kicks, here they are.
One reason I didn't want to participate is that the person who challenged me had a long description. Those can be lifted from a work and still sound good. Me? My strength is dialogue. Descriptions are a way to make the reader sense physical aspects of my works, but long paragraphs of description don't suit me. Posting a few lines of dialogue seem pointless. I didn't begin with the first sentence on page seven. Instead I skimmed until I found seven sentences that sort of went together.
Another reason is that page seven isn't the beginning and it isn't where the most interesting bits are. A good writer grabs you on page one. A great writer has you unable to put the book down by page ten. Not every word of pages one through ten can be attention grabbers or you'd be sick of the book by page ten. I feel like page seven isn't much of a statement of my work.
Here's one of my favorite conversations near the beginning of this one
That last line is lifted directly from someone I know who used to show off his nipples at every opportunity. It was hilarious every time.
The rest of that was from other conversations I've had about chest hair or my own imagination. One never knows what will be and what will not be until one writes it down. And then edits it. Like a good actor, you could end up on the cutting room floor.
Writing is fun!
So, basically, if you do something stupid, funny, or interesting, you may end up immortalized.
Also, I was challenged on Facebook to put 7 sentences from page 7 of my current work. I don't do those memes on Facebook ever for a variety of reasons, but for kicks, here they are.
“H.P. Lovecraft.”
“Nobody dances sober,” we both began
in unison, then grinned widely as we finished together, “unless they happen to
be insane!” We laughed for a moment
before he spoke again. “Have you ever
heard of us?”
I shook my head. “I’d like to hear
more bands, but since I’m stuck at Titus most weekends my options are limited.”
“Are you a waitress?”
One reason I didn't want to participate is that the person who challenged me had a long description. Those can be lifted from a work and still sound good. Me? My strength is dialogue. Descriptions are a way to make the reader sense physical aspects of my works, but long paragraphs of description don't suit me. Posting a few lines of dialogue seem pointless. I didn't begin with the first sentence on page seven. Instead I skimmed until I found seven sentences that sort of went together.
Another reason is that page seven isn't the beginning and it isn't where the most interesting bits are. A good writer grabs you on page one. A great writer has you unable to put the book down by page ten. Not every word of pages one through ten can be attention grabbers or you'd be sick of the book by page ten. I feel like page seven isn't much of a statement of my work.
Here's one of my favorite conversations near the beginning of this one
“What is it with women and chest
hair?”
“You either have too much or not
enough,” Peter said.
“Can we talk about something other
than chest hair?” Cynthia asked with disdain.
The guys all looked at each other,
then sipped at their drinks or picked at some food. Finally I looked to Peter. “Well, are we talking about a monkey chest?”
“I only have a little hair,” Peter
replied.
Cynthia clicked her tongue. After a second I leaned toward Peter. “I think we’re going to have to see it.”
Without coaxing, Peter jerked his
shirt up to his neck revealing all including a nipple ring and a dragon tattoo
on his pectoral. All the guys looked,
but Cynthia turned away. “It’s like a
soul patch,” I remarked, looking at the triangle of straight black hair. I stared a moment longer. “Wow.
You have the most perfect man nipples I’ve ever seen.”
Wolf and Sir Gay laughed. Peter smiled. “Behold my man-nipple!” he said so loudly that the other patrons looked our direction.
That last line is lifted directly from someone I know who used to show off his nipples at every opportunity. It was hilarious every time.
The rest of that was from other conversations I've had about chest hair or my own imagination. One never knows what will be and what will not be until one writes it down. And then edits it. Like a good actor, you could end up on the cutting room floor.
Writing is fun!
Friday, September 12, 2014
3 Things a Writer Would Love to Hear
Well, that's about right. I extracted the poison, wrote a ton, fixed things, made it brilliant, then hit the next spot and that voice in my head said "You know everything you're adding is banal garbage, right? Also, what are you going to do with that last 100 pages? Turn it into a second book? HA! Can't be done."
Thanks brain.
So I bring you another list.
Yesterday, I detailed 5 things I wish people would stop asking me. It made me realize that there are other things I would love to hear when I tell people I write.
1. I love to read! Who are your favorite authors?
If you ask a budding, aspiring, or literally any writer this question and they cannot answer it at all, then I give you my permission to think of them as a jackass for using valuable publisher and agent resources for their own selfish and lame gains. I have no respect for a writer who doesn't read!
That said, a hem and haw is okay because it's hard to choose just one! Let's discuss me for a moment. I love Chuck Palahniuk, Haruki Murakami, Bret Easton Ellis, Patricia Highsmith, Sara Waters, Oscar Wilde... and more and more and more! Have you read any of them? Let's discuss!
Meanwhile, it's fantastic that you read Stephanie Meyer. I kinda don't care because I haven't. Yeah, she might be successful, but you can't make that matter to me.
2. Who/what inspires you?
I'm inspired by the music I listen to (like my reading, it runs around the world and back again), news articles, and sometimes by a perfect picture. (Sometime I see "The Lady of Shallot" by Waterhouse in my head when my character is conflicted and forlorn). As well as the novels I read and other authors - though I'm not much of an author groupie. I'm on my own journey and their journey matters very little to my own unless it involves advice on how to get there.
There are many ways in which an author can be inspired, but if they are any good at all, they are likely excited to talk about their favorite writers or artists.
I can't speak for other writers, but for myself, I also read differently. When I read, I read from a writer's perspective. I've discussed this endlessly with my husband, a prolific reader who has little to no interest in being a writer, and others and have come to realize that I look at a book differently. So when I grumble at Stephen King, it's not jealousy. It's disinterest in his story telling style. When I say I haven't read Harry Potter, it's because it's not my thing, not because I'm judging its success.
3. I bet you're really good!
Lie to me, please. I know you know nothing about my writing, but if you can just remind me that I'm smart and interesting, it helps me write more!
Thanks brain.
So I bring you another list.
Yesterday, I detailed 5 things I wish people would stop asking me. It made me realize that there are other things I would love to hear when I tell people I write.
3 Things a Writer Would Love To Hear
1. I love to read! Who are your favorite authors?
If you ask a budding, aspiring, or literally any writer this question and they cannot answer it at all, then I give you my permission to think of them as a jackass for using valuable publisher and agent resources for their own selfish and lame gains. I have no respect for a writer who doesn't read!
That said, a hem and haw is okay because it's hard to choose just one! Let's discuss me for a moment. I love Chuck Palahniuk, Haruki Murakami, Bret Easton Ellis, Patricia Highsmith, Sara Waters, Oscar Wilde... and more and more and more! Have you read any of them? Let's discuss!
Meanwhile, it's fantastic that you read Stephanie Meyer. I kinda don't care because I haven't. Yeah, she might be successful, but you can't make that matter to me.
2. Who/what inspires you?
I'm inspired by the music I listen to (like my reading, it runs around the world and back again), news articles, and sometimes by a perfect picture. (Sometime I see "The Lady of Shallot" by Waterhouse in my head when my character is conflicted and forlorn). As well as the novels I read and other authors - though I'm not much of an author groupie. I'm on my own journey and their journey matters very little to my own unless it involves advice on how to get there.
There are many ways in which an author can be inspired, but if they are any good at all, they are likely excited to talk about their favorite writers or artists.
I can't speak for other writers, but for myself, I also read differently. When I read, I read from a writer's perspective. I've discussed this endlessly with my husband, a prolific reader who has little to no interest in being a writer, and others and have come to realize that I look at a book differently. So when I grumble at Stephen King, it's not jealousy. It's disinterest in his story telling style. When I say I haven't read Harry Potter, it's because it's not my thing, not because I'm judging its success.
3. I bet you're really good!
Lie to me, please. I know you know nothing about my writing, but if you can just remind me that I'm smart and interesting, it helps me write more!
Thursday, September 11, 2014
5 Things You Should Not Say To Your Friend Who is a Writer
Conclusion: I think it's poison.
So, I get comments a lot and questions a lot. I've read so much damn information on the internet, it makes the brain contort into a monkey shaped crayon. I don't expect others to go read all that information, however, so I've compiled a list. People love lists on the internets these days!
1. Are you published?
No, but that doesn't make me any less of a writer. Writing isn't just putting a few words to paper. It's letting the voices tell you their stories, spending hours conceiving, planning, and executing ideas. It's telling a detailed story. Most importantly, it's being able to finish what you've started. I began writing as a youngun', but I never could finish an idea until high school. After that, it still became difficult. It took practice, practice, practice to learn that skill. That's not true for everyone, but I guarantee everyone who is an author had some skill they had to practice and hone in order to consider themselves legitimate. Publishing is not the line distinguishing between a "real" writer and a dabbler. Publishing isn't even the goal for some authors. I realize that by calling myself a writer instead of an aspiring writer makes it hard to distinguish between one who is published and one who isn't, but how do I distinguish myself between someone who has an idea and has written a few paragraphs one weekend from one who has been working on it as an artistic craft for as long as she can remember? A painter is a painter because they paint, not because they have sold paintings. Why is a writer supposed to be labeled differently when they are artists with words?
Actually, this question doesn't bother me quite as much as the follow up which is either an expression indicating that I am not a "real" writer or another question such as "Why not?" which basically indicates if you finish a novel and then call a publisher and say "Hey, I'm done," then that's all there is to it. So I'll address that next:
2. Why not?
What the layman doesn't understand is that it's not about the value or quality of the work. Getting published (unless you know someone who knows someone) is about the value and quality of a 1 page query letter "please please please request to read my novel. You get thousands of queries a day, but mine is special, I swear!" followed by the value and quality of a 2 page synopsis "I told my story in 350 pages, but in 2 pages I'm supposed to give you a summary that makes you realize what's unique about my story!"
In some cases it's about winning a contest. That's fantastic and all, but have you ever watched American Idol? You know how there are a dozen people on that show and they're all great? Then they narrow it down to 3 and really, how are you supposed to choose? They're all pretty amazing! There are many people in this world who can't sing at all and you start out with a dozen great ones, then eventually pick the 1 that is the best in many ways including appearance, showmanship, and outfits. They aren't looking for the next act that changes the way we see music, though. They want someone who sings well, offends no one, and who will be a pop star. This is what I refer to as beige. They are looking for someone beige - they go with everything and have a way of hiding the dirt just a little bit. JK Rowlings is a pop star for novelists as is Stephanie Meyer. I aspire to be Radiohead or Smashing Pumpkins - not everyone gets it, but those who do are my kindred spirits! I am those voice for those who are on the outside and just feel like they never see things the way "everyone else" seems to see things.
Maybe I'm flattering myself, but I'm in that top dozen people, not that top one. I don't see myself winning any contests, but being in the top dozen is still pretty good. Do I deserve to be passed over for publication because I'm not that top 1 of all the thousands of writers out there? I think if we did that, there wouldn't be enough books for the voracious readers and only a few voices would be heard in a world where everyone wants to be unique.
3. I have an idea for a novel! Maybe I should write it. (Or maybe you should write it for me!)
Actually, this one is an interesting conundrum to hear. My first response is "Yes! You should!" Initially as a reader, I figure you might have something interesting to say. Right after that, though, the devil pops in and say "Then you might understand how hard it is to get from beginning to end, edit, share with others and take harsh criticism, and basically see the other things on this list I go through in order to feed the demon that is my dream."
Everyone seems to have an idea. Whether it be a novel or a memoir, I don't doubt everyone has something interesting to say. Meanwhile, I've got 5 novels at varying points of completion, 5 more ideas percolating, and dozens of voices who converse in my head without my consent. Ideas are clearly not my problem.
4. Can I read something?
Don't say this unless you mean it. Also, if you have editorial skills, please say this! I love having diverse eyes read my work, but I also don't want to give it to someone who isn't as excited to read it as I am to have it read and receive feedback.
Honestly, I know the reason I'm really getting asked this question. Because you want to read my work so you can feel superior in the knowledge that I'm not as good as Stephen King. Well, a) Stephen King has an editor and b) don't think you can do better unless you've done it. The only friends who are allowed to judge me have thus far been nice enough not to and have actually been supportive of my work (even though I've read theirs and they are super-talented, putting me to shame!)
5. What's it about?
Well, the first problem is when you say 'it', I don't really know what you mean. The one I'm in the middle of writing? The one I just finished? The one I'm editing? All my works? I'm not quite sure what people really want to know when they ask this question because they don't seem that interested in the answer. I've tried a simple "Suspense" or "Romance, but not bodice ripper" and I've tried giving them a brief summary. I've tried telling a cute anecdote from the pages as well as vaguely saying "It varies" No matter what answer I give, the recipient most often follows up with other questions that are just as frustrating. If I say suspense, they say "Like Stephen King?". Well, he's horror and also sort of a pop star. Not what I'm aspiring to write. If I say "Romance", the ask about the sex. If I say it's not that kind of romance, they seem relieved. See, I don't write the bodice rippers, but don't harsh on them, man. They are the best selling novels around and if I was doing it for the money, I'd make mine ALL sex so I could get PAID.
Sometimes I give a little summary, but the thing is, everyone is different and what I write may not be the kind of thing you like to read. That's okay! I'm aware of this fact. If that's the case, I'm not writing it for you. In fact, you may be my friend, but I'm still not writing it for you. I'm writing it for me and anyone else who gets it.
I think I'd like to follow this up with things to say to a writer and maybe something about how to end up in one of my novels. Check back soon!
So, I get comments a lot and questions a lot. I've read so much damn information on the internet, it makes the brain contort into a monkey shaped crayon. I don't expect others to go read all that information, however, so I've compiled a list. People love lists on the internets these days!
5 things you should not say to your friend (or new acquaintance) who is a writer.
1. Are you published?
No, but that doesn't make me any less of a writer. Writing isn't just putting a few words to paper. It's letting the voices tell you their stories, spending hours conceiving, planning, and executing ideas. It's telling a detailed story. Most importantly, it's being able to finish what you've started. I began writing as a youngun', but I never could finish an idea until high school. After that, it still became difficult. It took practice, practice, practice to learn that skill. That's not true for everyone, but I guarantee everyone who is an author had some skill they had to practice and hone in order to consider themselves legitimate. Publishing is not the line distinguishing between a "real" writer and a dabbler. Publishing isn't even the goal for some authors. I realize that by calling myself a writer instead of an aspiring writer makes it hard to distinguish between one who is published and one who isn't, but how do I distinguish myself between someone who has an idea and has written a few paragraphs one weekend from one who has been working on it as an artistic craft for as long as she can remember? A painter is a painter because they paint, not because they have sold paintings. Why is a writer supposed to be labeled differently when they are artists with words?
Actually, this question doesn't bother me quite as much as the follow up which is either an expression indicating that I am not a "real" writer or another question such as "Why not?" which basically indicates if you finish a novel and then call a publisher and say "Hey, I'm done," then that's all there is to it. So I'll address that next:
2. Why not?
What the layman doesn't understand is that it's not about the value or quality of the work. Getting published (unless you know someone who knows someone) is about the value and quality of a 1 page query letter "please please please request to read my novel. You get thousands of queries a day, but mine is special, I swear!" followed by the value and quality of a 2 page synopsis "I told my story in 350 pages, but in 2 pages I'm supposed to give you a summary that makes you realize what's unique about my story!"
In some cases it's about winning a contest. That's fantastic and all, but have you ever watched American Idol? You know how there are a dozen people on that show and they're all great? Then they narrow it down to 3 and really, how are you supposed to choose? They're all pretty amazing! There are many people in this world who can't sing at all and you start out with a dozen great ones, then eventually pick the 1 that is the best in many ways including appearance, showmanship, and outfits. They aren't looking for the next act that changes the way we see music, though. They want someone who sings well, offends no one, and who will be a pop star. This is what I refer to as beige. They are looking for someone beige - they go with everything and have a way of hiding the dirt just a little bit. JK Rowlings is a pop star for novelists as is Stephanie Meyer. I aspire to be Radiohead or Smashing Pumpkins - not everyone gets it, but those who do are my kindred spirits! I am those voice for those who are on the outside and just feel like they never see things the way "everyone else" seems to see things.
Maybe I'm flattering myself, but I'm in that top dozen people, not that top one. I don't see myself winning any contests, but being in the top dozen is still pretty good. Do I deserve to be passed over for publication because I'm not that top 1 of all the thousands of writers out there? I think if we did that, there wouldn't be enough books for the voracious readers and only a few voices would be heard in a world where everyone wants to be unique.
3. I have an idea for a novel! Maybe I should write it. (Or maybe you should write it for me!)
Actually, this one is an interesting conundrum to hear. My first response is "Yes! You should!" Initially as a reader, I figure you might have something interesting to say. Right after that, though, the devil pops in and say "Then you might understand how hard it is to get from beginning to end, edit, share with others and take harsh criticism, and basically see the other things on this list I go through in order to feed the demon that is my dream."
Everyone seems to have an idea. Whether it be a novel or a memoir, I don't doubt everyone has something interesting to say. Meanwhile, I've got 5 novels at varying points of completion, 5 more ideas percolating, and dozens of voices who converse in my head without my consent. Ideas are clearly not my problem.
4. Can I read something?
Don't say this unless you mean it. Also, if you have editorial skills, please say this! I love having diverse eyes read my work, but I also don't want to give it to someone who isn't as excited to read it as I am to have it read and receive feedback.
Honestly, I know the reason I'm really getting asked this question. Because you want to read my work so you can feel superior in the knowledge that I'm not as good as Stephen King. Well, a) Stephen King has an editor and b) don't think you can do better unless you've done it. The only friends who are allowed to judge me have thus far been nice enough not to and have actually been supportive of my work (even though I've read theirs and they are super-talented, putting me to shame!)
5. What's it about?
Well, the first problem is when you say 'it', I don't really know what you mean. The one I'm in the middle of writing? The one I just finished? The one I'm editing? All my works? I'm not quite sure what people really want to know when they ask this question because they don't seem that interested in the answer. I've tried a simple "Suspense" or "Romance, but not bodice ripper" and I've tried giving them a brief summary. I've tried telling a cute anecdote from the pages as well as vaguely saying "It varies" No matter what answer I give, the recipient most often follows up with other questions that are just as frustrating. If I say suspense, they say "Like Stephen King?". Well, he's horror and also sort of a pop star. Not what I'm aspiring to write. If I say "Romance", the ask about the sex. If I say it's not that kind of romance, they seem relieved. See, I don't write the bodice rippers, but don't harsh on them, man. They are the best selling novels around and if I was doing it for the money, I'd make mine ALL sex so I could get PAID.
Sometimes I give a little summary, but the thing is, everyone is different and what I write may not be the kind of thing you like to read. That's okay! I'm aware of this fact. If that's the case, I'm not writing it for you. In fact, you may be my friend, but I'm still not writing it for you. I'm writing it for me and anyone else who gets it.
I think I'd like to follow this up with things to say to a writer and maybe something about how to end up in one of my novels. Check back soon!
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Writing progession
I started this as a Facebook status update, but then I realized I have much to say on the subject. I think later I'd like to know where I was from time to time in order to remind myself that progress has been and will be made!
Currently, I am rewriting the first novel I have made any *real* attempt to sell. (There have been many attempts, but focus and moxy are things in me which still require growth.) I had an idea that I'm convinced will make it better. I hope so! I felt I had it perfect so it is a bit unnerving to go back to it.
You see, several years ago after finishing my first novel* I began to make some changes. I thought it would add to the suspense and intrigue, but instead of fertilizing it, I felt as though I had poisoned the tree. I still plug away at that one a bit at a time and eventually will repair all the damage (I am well beyond half way, so there is hope!) and somewhere inside of me I know that when it is finished, it will be the best it has ever been. It's just a struggle right now.
I have many ideas and many beginnings throughout the years. Each requires its own set of experiences and mind-set to explore. I wonder if going back is the opposite of growth. I wonder if I'm a good enough writer to have anything worth while.
I may have mentioned this before in my blog. I tried not to be a writer for a while. After a few years I realized I had become an extremely prolific fan-fic writer. I love those fandom days and would not trade them for the world, though I see my current work as growth from there so I do not wish to revisit those days. Then I wonder if revisiting these other novels is also a step back.
Meanwhile, I have a third one which started out as a bit of fun, but the voices are so interesting and spunky to me that I think I need to clean it up and share it. I know I enjoy reading it and so did my spouse.
Then there is the fourth one which I have rewritten three different ways and keep changing. It brings in my interest in history, but right after I started it, my friend asked me to help proof read her novel and now I feel like mine's a joke. I mean, she is really talented, rather brilliant, and probable more entitled to get somewhere with her writing than I.
Then there are the other beginnings that don't have completed ideas. Some days I think I'm stalling on selling because I would love to just write and write, then sell it all at the end. Other times I think maybe if I could sell some and get a little feedback, it would help me usher these other ideas to their proper seats.
I was doing very well at writing every day until last Thursday. Now it seems there have been obstacles every day. I have a lot to get done today, yet I write a blog in my spare minutes rather than my book. What is up with that? I need a breath mint for my brain!
* Wait. Wouldn't that be my second? I finished the one I started in middle school, but have thrown that all out. OH! And then there was the second one, but I didn't finish that. And the third, but I have that idea at the back of my head to start over from scratch. I guess it would have been the first one that made me think about selling my works instead of just writing them for myself and my friends.
Currently, I am rewriting the first novel I have made any *real* attempt to sell. (There have been many attempts, but focus and moxy are things in me which still require growth.) I had an idea that I'm convinced will make it better. I hope so! I felt I had it perfect so it is a bit unnerving to go back to it.
You see, several years ago after finishing my first novel* I began to make some changes. I thought it would add to the suspense and intrigue, but instead of fertilizing it, I felt as though I had poisoned the tree. I still plug away at that one a bit at a time and eventually will repair all the damage (I am well beyond half way, so there is hope!) and somewhere inside of me I know that when it is finished, it will be the best it has ever been. It's just a struggle right now.
I have many ideas and many beginnings throughout the years. Each requires its own set of experiences and mind-set to explore. I wonder if going back is the opposite of growth. I wonder if I'm a good enough writer to have anything worth while.
I may have mentioned this before in my blog. I tried not to be a writer for a while. After a few years I realized I had become an extremely prolific fan-fic writer. I love those fandom days and would not trade them for the world, though I see my current work as growth from there so I do not wish to revisit those days. Then I wonder if revisiting these other novels is also a step back.
Meanwhile, I have a third one which started out as a bit of fun, but the voices are so interesting and spunky to me that I think I need to clean it up and share it. I know I enjoy reading it and so did my spouse.
Then there is the fourth one which I have rewritten three different ways and keep changing. It brings in my interest in history, but right after I started it, my friend asked me to help proof read her novel and now I feel like mine's a joke. I mean, she is really talented, rather brilliant, and probable more entitled to get somewhere with her writing than I.
Then there are the other beginnings that don't have completed ideas. Some days I think I'm stalling on selling because I would love to just write and write, then sell it all at the end. Other times I think maybe if I could sell some and get a little feedback, it would help me usher these other ideas to their proper seats.
I was doing very well at writing every day until last Thursday. Now it seems there have been obstacles every day. I have a lot to get done today, yet I write a blog in my spare minutes rather than my book. What is up with that? I need a breath mint for my brain!
* Wait. Wouldn't that be my second? I finished the one I started in middle school, but have thrown that all out. OH! And then there was the second one, but I didn't finish that. And the third, but I have that idea at the back of my head to start over from scratch. I guess it would have been the first one that made me think about selling my works instead of just writing them for myself and my friends.
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