Kids and technology

Why Steve Jobs Didn't Let His Kids Use iPads

Go read that.

It's a common theme these days and this article, amongst others, are blowing up around the internet and in the real world.

I've got parents saying they think they've got it right because their kids have basic cell phones, shared computer, and limits on their game system.  I've got another parent who takes my kid's cell phone away when she goes to play at her friend's house and, by the way, has never given me her phone number, doesn't have a land line and therefore isn't listed in the phone directory.  I've got someone else near me who says she doesn't mind having no cell phone or cable tv because it makes her kids be more creative, but when someone bought her a tablet, she immediately started a share plan so her kids could use it and be out of her hair.

THEY ARE ALL WRONG!

I want those parents who think they are superior for keeping "technology" from their kids to ask themselves whether or not their kids are ever going to drive a car or if you'll expect them to ride a horse and then ask themselves if they are really as superior as they think.

Look, if someone doesn't want a smart phone, that's their choice.  I feel like in modern society, it's okay to accept use of a cell phone.  After all, the pay phones all over town have been taken out and many places have policies specifically against using their business phone.  (Don't believe me?  Start asking at every business you go into.  Several of them have a specific company policy regarding this.)  Cell phones are expensive, but the alternatives we had in the past are gone.  Previous to phones, the worst thing that happened was a run away horse so our family had less worry about us dying if we disappeared for two hours.

The fact is, kids need to learn to balance technology with life.  Why do we use that word anyway?  The assembly line designed by the 'great and powerful' Ford is a type of technology.  It's our little portable devices we're discussing here and just like the assembly line, they will change everything we do from now until the apocalypse so best we get on board with understanding that it is more than an outlet to play Candy Crush.

It's sort of like teaching manners to a three year old.  Lots of people choose not to do it because "a kid is a kid!" but in reality, you are doing them a disservice.  How do you think they will learn manners if you don't teach it to them?  Teach them the importance of these devices, but also teach them when to put it away.  They will be much better adults if they don't think it's an all or nothing deal.  You're trying to control their every movement and frankly, kids who are overly controlled don't learn how to manage anything and are crippled adults.  These new adults aren't computer addicts because their parents let them be on the computer all the time.  They are addicts because no one taught them to set goals, limits, leave the games until the work is done.

Parents of the most recent generation were very busy and just wanted their kids out of their hair.

Look at my kid, okay?  At thirteen, I don't push the limits of her electronic use very much.  Why?  Because when she was younger, I made her earn her computer time. I waited to get her a cell phone until she was old enough to be running off with friends on her own (not play dates or babysitting where I'm there or there is a babysitter who can make emergency calls) and we waited to get her a cell phone until she had proved herself to be trusted and responsible.

Don't get me wrong.  When we sit down to dinner as a family, I sometimes have to remind her to put her phone away, but she does it immediately and we usually sit around talking after the meal.  She gets on the computer and we lose her for a few hours, but that happens about once a month.  Other than that, she plays lacrosse, goes outside to practice, plays her guitar, and hangs out with friends.

Yeah, she listens to music a lot on her iPod.  I listened to it a ton in my room on a tape deck.  I watched too much TV because I didn't have friends... not the other way around.  She has lots of friends so she has little interest in playing video games all night.  She actually has access to the Wii by herself, but she never plays it.  We have a PS3, too and she plays it for about 40 minutes when we are out for a walk, then turns it off for family time when we get home.

She has no siblings, you see, so it's a little harder to say "Hey, go entertain yourself."  Kids with siblings aren't entertaining themselves.  They are entertaining each other.  IMO, this will make them extra dependent on another for their happiness when they are older.  It's why some people jump into bad marriages.

We have used the iPhone to download study aides and reminders for a kid who has trouble remembering stuff and who does lots of research for school classes.  She's independent in her work, but we're always here to help.  Instead of doing things for her, we give her the tools to do it herself.

It's cool if you want to keep your kids from these devices.  Just stop thinking you've done something "right".  No, not "right", just "different".

reLAX mom!

I'm a reluctant soccer mom.  That is to say, I'm the mother of a daughter I thought I was signing up for a bit of fun, an after school activity, a little exercise she could do with friends but would quickly lose interest in.

Lacrosse.

And then something happened.  She loved the game.

Even more unexpected; so did I!

I never went to Super Bowl parties - not even for the commercials.  I mean, I'm not a complete numb skull toward sports.  My friends and I went to every football game my Sophomore year in high school, but I didn't really care to go when my friendship circle spiraled and my new friends didn't go.  For a brief time (an hour during the Olympics) I though curling was the coolest thing in the world.  Once in a while, I tune in to hockey for half a game and I've taken my daughter to a hockey game because my niece got us awesome tickets.

Generally, I gave sports a try, but decided I didn't give a flying fruit tree.

Lacrosse is different.  Have you watched it?  Men's Lacrosse is incredibly brutal (and awesome!) and watching ten minutes of Women's, you'll see the incredible skill and stamina required for this sport. Women's is actually pretty brutal in comparison to other female sports, but it's certainly no Men's.  (Rugby and hockey players don't hit each other with sticks, so seriously, LAX might be the fiercest.)

The girls we've met are not like the athletic girls I knew in high school.  Fit, yes, but so friendly and funny.  It takes a unique gal to play a the less popular sports, I guess.  They have the best personalities.  Then again, I see it from a "mom" perspective.

As much as teens and their parents don't relate, I notice most of the other parents are athletic types or at least into watching sports.  I notice the parents of the nerds at school are often quite intelligent, accomplished nerds.  Fathers read comic books to their sons.

It's not that we're so vastly different.  Jane appreciates comic books like her father and music like I do.  She enjoys watching old movies and musicals with me and we all go to comic book movies together.  It's just that neither of us was raised to be athletic by athletes so that part is difficult to relate.  We encourage her, but cannot afford expensive camps or a lot of private lessons.  As good as she is, she's had to get there on her own.  Well, yeah, we play catch with her and those kinds of things, but we aren't much of a challenge to encourage growth.

Yet I'm as proud as proud can be when I see her on the field catching, running, defending, attacking, and generally loving the game.

Plus, Lacrosse is pretty cool.  If you haven't checked it out, go to a local game and give it a chance.  We could use more supporters!

Defining Independent Artist

It seems that with an internet full of information, it is also full of opinions on the final word of what makes an artist.

It's easy to say painters and sculptors are artists because this is, of course, referred to as "art".  These days, computers play a large roll in art so graphic artists are accepted as artists.

After that, we call musicians artists whether they are creating the work themselves or simply putting a voice to a song written by someone else.  Interesting how that one works.

To me, if you strive for creativity, you are an artist. Frankly, I've met business managers who conduct business in a creative, artistic way, but when I start recognizing that, I realize everyone on this green and blue earth is an artist so I'll pull back my definition a little.

Perhaps artist is a lifestyle and personality rather than an endeavor.  Maybe it's about the personalities, the love of art, the desire to wear peasant blouses and drink wine.  But wait. I don't wear peasant blouses, drink wine, and type with one hand on an Apple so it must not be that narrow either.

As a writer, I consider myself an artist, but that has actually been discounted as art by more than one source.  Trustworthy sources or not, it hurts a little.  You might struggle to see the "art" in a non-fiction book about how to be a better manager, but I would think it is pretty easy to make the connection to a piece of fiction. Even if you don't, I can't help the fact that I have the desire to create.  Writing is my main lover, of course, but I dabble in other things as often as possible.  Or, at least, as often as the inspiration strikes.

For instance, did you know I play 5 instruments?  Yeah, I don't play for audiences, but I played piano quite well, played trombone in Elementary and Jr. High school bands, played violin in Elementary Orchestra, and in college I took guitar so that I could learn how to play.  From there I taught myself more guitar and eventually tenor saxophone.  Why?  Because it was creative and inspiring.

Did you also know I've created visual art?  Yeah, they are terrible, but they got out the bugs.  I have worked a little to learn to draw - not very well, but I know the concepts - and I've made things with my hands.

And don't tell me crafting isn't an art if you're not following a pattern. It certainly must be!  It feeds my creative soul when I am not writing.

Whatever your passion, as long as you feed it and strive to express yourself creatively, I consider you an artist.  Congrats.  You're one of us!

And I, for one, love you! (even when I don't agree with you...)

Venting

Well, I'll probably eventually get caught for this and it's possible I'll hurt someone's feelings, but I just have to vent some frustrations in my day.

A Little Background Information
I've been designing webpages for independent artists.  Trying a little to make a business of it, but I realize it's slow going for multiple reasons.  I charge very little both because I realize some of the best indie artists have no money and because I am driven by passion for independence more than money.  I have a huge place in my heart for independent artists (visual, musical, writers, etc)...

But They Can Be Difficult To Work With
Despite the fact that I currently consider myself an independent artist, I sometimes cross paths with one that has me banging my head against the desk daily.

I used to spend hours upon hours writing code from scratch, then using CSS templates, but still spending hours to tweak the code until the the columns, boxes, padding, font size, and backgrounds were more to my liking.

I feel that because I don't charge very much, I'm completely justified in copping out to Wordpress these days.  (Besides, I am still a writer and taking time out of my own writing to work on these web pages and I'm not really getting paid enough to quit my day job so to speak.)  Wordpress, of course, limits one on exact design layout and a few other niggly little things I used to stick in my web pages (iFrames, for starters).  There is good reason for those changes, but it limits my creativity nonetheless.

I like doing web pages because I feel creative.  I think I do a decent job writing the blurbs and the sales pitches (90% of those writing moments are left to me).  I enjoy visual art, but I'm not a painter or sculptor so I enjoy working with colors, layouts, images, and other physical attributes.

Sometimes, the artist I'm working with wants to have a say in all of those things as well...

I'm Hitting my 'Patience' Wall
A couple of years ago, I worked with this lovely lady who is crusading to help bipolar and depressed women.  At least, that was her platform. Then it was bullying, it appears, and now it's every level of depression and suicide.

Well, because they (her and her speaking partner) are picking up steam with their speaking engagements, have made come international contacts, and feel they would like a new direction, I've been asked to revamp the webpage from top to bottom.

So I'm completely rebuilding the page for this client because we are moving hosting companies and of course there is the transfer from CSS to Wordpress. At our first meeting, she handed me a screen cap of her old web page with scratches made through most of it, circling a page here and there, and adding her own text in between.

Problem one, she wants me to keep this and add that, but now we have a wordy, convoluted mess.  I work it, edit, reword, move around, and choose careful wording to remain concise, but she comes back and says she wants this word and that word added back into it.  My words cover what she's saying, but she needs those words in it.  So now we have run on sentences listing synonyms as though each word is a new idea.

Then she talks to other people, none of them professionals (neither am I, of course, but I've built well over a dozen pages from scratch back in the old days of HTML, each time using a new technique to create something interesting and giving each page its own personality).  The feedback she's getting is from the guy who writes children's books and the other guy who built a writing club web page which is dry, unfocused, and generally boring using Word Press and no other web pages to my knowledge.

After those consultations, she'll throw more emails at me.  D said this.  M said that.  Well, their information contradicts so what do you want?  Or sometimes it doesn't contradict, it's just more information.  I'm glad you took a seminar about how to use Google Stats and meta tags.  I feel like adding more and more and more and more is just creating a mess!  I can't worry about stats until we have a solid webpage built that isn't going to change every time someone comes back to find information they noticed last time they were there!

 She also goes around online and when she sees something she likes, she sends it; sometimes forgetting to mention what she likes about it, but more often than not, showing me something like 10 different ways she wants her menu.  Seriously?  Pick ONE.  Or two and I'll give you a couple options so you can pick one.  Because frankly you can only have one menu.

I had a design I thought was perfect.  On the landing page, you have a short menu at the side, an image up front, and a brief statement that says "If you're here because you're depressed, we can help" (only it says it way better).

D says they don't want anyone to have to scroll to find the initial information so I should have a top bar menu.  Okay.  You didn't have to scroll, but you want a top bar menu?  Fine.  I make a top bar menu.  Now she has used Word to create a document saying she wants the page to look like this (more or less):  Top inch, web page name.  Below that, their 3 inch logo.  Under that, a their tagline.  Beneath that, the menu bar, then below that, a video to introduce themselves and then, finally, the statement saying why they're here.

So now the menu is about halfway down the page on my large monitor and the video of them is cut off so you have to scroll down to see it.

Meanwhile with first menu I did, the side menu was high enough that it ended before halfway down the page, then you hover and it drops down a the sub menu and sub sub menus.  Now the drop downs will cover the video.  No harm done, I suppose, but on a smaller screen you are going to be scrolling down.

So what the hell was so wrong with the first one I did??

Last week she called on the phone.  We played a little phone tag because I was pretty busy that day, but when we talked, she said she wanted to change up the menus a bit.  I grumbled internally, but saw that a little rearranging of the dozen pages I already created would do the trick.

Then over the weekend, she sends the file with the suggested page layout (which I don't like, btw, but it's not about me) and below that, 3 pages of suggested menu items.

It means totally deleting about 8 pages I already researched and created.

It also means creating about 8 new pages of information which she described only as "include reviews, cost and email request" or "Step 1. I want to Recover", "3 stages of recovery" and things like that.  I told her she needed to research that information herself, but again with the... Seriously?  You're the "expert" on the subject, but you are just giving me page names and expecting me to create content?  Research for you?

And then I think what happens when I create those 8 pages and then someone else says she should do it differently?  She'll drop 5 pages and ask for 5 new ones, I suppose.

I keep telling her she needs to focus and solidify her decisions.  She thinks she has, but then is easily swayed by someone else's thoughts.  So I think we've got direction, then the rug is pulled out and I have to crochet a new one.

Grrr

All whilst trying to prep 3 novels in hopes I can grapple myself an agent or publisher, editing a 4th so I feel ready to pitch it, and I don't remember the last time I got to write anything new on that 5th novel which I have completely outlined.  Since writing the new stuff is what makes a writer feel alive, it's rather disheartening every time my work is discounted and I'm asked to create all new work.

From writing to feminism - thoughts for today

I was off to a wonderful start in September.  I wrote every day.  Then a big project came up and I got very little written for a few days.  Went back to it, then some stress from every day life made me lose focus.  It's easy to say "write every day!" but it's so hard to do.

Now here are the unpopular words.

I notice that a lot of the time when someone advocates writing every single day no matter what, it tends to be men.  Going off traditional roles and stereotypes (because sometimes I can't help myself!) I notice that it's mainly men who seem to find that kind of time every day.  They also say it's easy to write a book in the evenings after work.

What I'd like to know from the men who say this specifically is who does your laundry?  Who cleans the bathroom at your house?  Who picks up after you and keeps the kids quiet while you're writing?

Yet I know many writers with families.  I can think of one in particular where both people in the couple want to write.  She makes time for him to write and he plays on the computer instead.  He never makes time for her to write.

I've only come across two female writers in my life who have a spouse, kids, and a job.  One of them take months or years to complete a novel.

We look at this like it's a long process, then feel shamed because (and half the time it's men!) will say something like they can whip out a novel in a month.  One of the guys in my writing group says he goes from planning to completion in two weeks and that it shouldn't take too much longer if you plan well.  Excuse me, sir, but you are single, you are retired, and you don't have any kids visiting.

The point I'm getting around to; there is a certain amount of shaming from both other writers and people who don't write at all.  They all want you to whip up a novel and have it perfect, ready for viewing in a month or two and figure if you just toss out a few queries, you'll have that income so stop complaining about money already and just do it.

My experience
It may be different to other experiences.  I actually still have it pretty easy. I am responsible for keeping the house in a reasonable level of lived-in-but-not-cluttered state.  There are the usual laundry, dishes, and cleaning for which I am responsible.  Despite having a great kid who can help clean and is quite responsible, the one place I've fallen short is allowing her and my husband to think I'm the cleanup fairy.  Every day I walk around the house picking up garbage, putting dishes in the sink, wiping up little messes made, and that sort of thing.

The other major responsibility is thinking about everything that no one else wants to think about.  When anything goes south (and because our household income is modest, everything that isn't planned ahead of time such as car repairs, sick pets, and leaky faucets become "south") I'm the one who researches, fixes, comes up with answers, and makes the decision.  I try to involve the spouse, but he responds with "I don't know" and heads off to work.

This is actually a female epidemic.  Do you wonder why most receptionists are women?  Because women see the holes and are willing to fill them up.  Men just say "I don't know" and hand it off.  I've observed this a lot over the years.  It's not just women stuck to cleaning the house.  Even in the supposedly equal working world, they are the ones picking up the pieces because men don't seem interested in that little bit of extra work.  Pass it off rather than follow through.

Disclaimer: I realize this isn't always true of the male/female dynamic.  I'm not a man hating beast who always pigeon holes the roles, but I really have had a lot of situations to observe between receptionist roles at male dominated companies, working in more female dominated companies, and living in a subculture where stay-at-home mom is much more highly encouraged (and working moms are shamed more than typical)

What Inspires Me: Or How to End Up Immortalized in a Novel

People think I'm shy.  I don't think I am.  I think I'm observing.  I pick up as much information as I possibly can because I put it all into a big bowl, shake it up, then dump it out when I write.  I didn't actually intend for my first heroine to remind my sister of this one friend I had in high school.  She just came out that way.  I wasn't looking to recreate my friend's apartment building as the apartment building of the main character's friend in my second book, but it's what I saw in my head and it worked really well for the outdoor scenes I planned.  That pain I felt after my Dad died?  Yeah, that ended up in the pain a character felt for another loss.  It's all there, bleeding on the page; what I think about you, my life, and the world at large.

So, basically, if you do something stupid, funny, or interesting, you may end up immortalized.

Also, I was challenged on Facebook to put 7 sentences from page 7 of my current work.  I don't do those memes on Facebook ever for a variety of reasons, but for kicks, here they are.

“H.P. Lovecraft.”

“Nobody dances sober,” we both began in unison, then grinned widely as we finished together, “unless they happen to be insane!”  We laughed for a moment before he spoke again.  “Have you ever heard of us?”

I shook my head. “I’d like to hear more bands, but since I’m stuck at Titus most weekends my options are limited.”

“Are you a waitress?”

One reason I didn't want to participate is that the person who challenged me had a long description. Those can be lifted from a work and still sound good. Me? My strength is dialogue. Descriptions are a way to make the reader sense physical aspects of my works, but long paragraphs of description don't suit me. Posting a few lines of dialogue seem pointless. I didn't begin with the first sentence on page seven. Instead I skimmed until I found seven sentences that sort of went together.

Another reason is that page seven isn't the beginning and it isn't where the most interesting bits are. A good writer grabs you on page one. A great writer has you unable to put the book down by page ten. Not every word of pages one through ten can be attention grabbers or you'd be sick of the book by page ten. I feel like page seven isn't much of a statement of my work.

Here's one of my favorite conversations near the beginning of this one

“What is it with women and chest hair?”

“You either have too much or not enough,” Peter said.

“Can we talk about something other than chest hair?” Cynthia asked with disdain.

The guys all looked at each other, then sipped at their drinks or picked at some food.  Finally I looked to Peter.  “Well, are we talking about a monkey chest?”

“I only have a little hair,” Peter replied.

Cynthia clicked her tongue.  After a second I leaned toward Peter.  “I think we’re going to have to see it.”

Without coaxing, Peter jerked his shirt up to his neck revealing all including a nipple ring and a dragon tattoo on his pectoral.  All the guys looked, but Cynthia turned away.  “It’s like a soul patch,” I remarked, looking at the triangle of straight black hair.  I stared a moment longer.  “Wow.  You have the most perfect man nipples I’ve ever seen.”

Wolf and Sir Gay laughed. Peter smiled. “Behold my man-nipple!” he said so loudly that the other patrons looked our direction.

That last line is lifted directly from someone I know who used to show off his nipples at every opportunity. It was hilarious every time.

The rest of that was from other conversations I've had about chest hair or my own imagination.  One never knows what will be and what will not be until one writes it down.  And then edits it.  Like a good actor, you could end up on the cutting room floor.

Writing is fun!

3 Things a Writer Would Love to Hear

Well, that's about right.  I extracted the poison, wrote a ton, fixed things, made it brilliant, then hit the next spot and that voice in my head said "You know everything you're adding is banal garbage, right?  Also, what are you going to do with that last 100 pages?  Turn it into a second book?  HA!  Can't be done."

Thanks brain.

So I bring you another list.

Yesterday, I detailed 5 things I wish people would stop asking me.  It made me realize that there are other things I would love to hear when I tell people I write.

3 Things a Writer Would Love To Hear

1. I love to read!  Who are your favorite authors?

If you ask a budding, aspiring, or literally any writer this question and they cannot answer it at all, then I give you my permission to think of them as a jackass for using valuable publisher and agent resources for their own selfish and lame gains.  I have no respect for a writer who doesn't read!

That said, a hem and haw is okay because it's hard to choose just one!  Let's discuss me for a moment.  I love Chuck Palahniuk, Haruki Murakami, Bret Easton Ellis, Patricia Highsmith, Sara Waters, Oscar Wilde... and more and more and more!  Have you read any of them?  Let's discuss!

Meanwhile, it's fantastic that you read Stephanie Meyer.  I kinda don't care because I haven't.  Yeah, she might be successful, but you can't make that matter to me.


2. Who/what inspires you?

I'm inspired by the music I listen to (like my reading, it runs around the world and back again), news articles, and sometimes by a perfect picture.  (Sometime I see "The Lady of Shallot" by Waterhouse in my head when my character is conflicted and forlorn).  As well as the novels I read and other authors - though I'm not much of an author groupie.  I'm on my own journey and their journey matters very little to my own unless it involves advice on how to get there.

There are many ways in which an author can be inspired, but if they are any good at all, they are likely excited to talk about their favorite writers or artists.

I can't speak for other writers, but for myself, I also read differently.  When I read, I read from a writer's perspective.  I've discussed this endlessly with my husband, a prolific reader who has little to no interest in being a writer, and others and have come to realize that I look at a book differently.  So when I grumble at Stephen King, it's not jealousy.  It's disinterest in his story telling style.  When I say I haven't read Harry Potter, it's because it's not my thing, not because I'm judging its success.



3.  I bet you're really good!

Lie to me, please.  I know you know nothing about my writing, but if you can just remind me that I'm smart and interesting, it helps me write more!