Women's Rights and Feminism which falls into a big Abortion...but it comes around again!

Wow.  What a huge topic.  Enormous.  I can't address all my feelings or all the nuances at once, so let's go back in time a bit to the Women's Marches that happened all over this great nation.

And, of course, how it relates to viral Facebook posts.  HAHA

What started to make me really lose my mind was when one viral post started about why this woman was not going to march because she basically felt uninvited.  She claimed that the webpage's clear stance on being Pro-Choice excluded her, a Pro-Life person, from inclusion.

First of all, the march was supposed to be for EVERY woman's issue, not just abortion so if you felt attacked, maybe that's on you.

Abortion

Look, I have an opinion on this.  I totally understand the opinion of others, but I still think I'm right.  And I doubt myself most of the time.

You see, Abortion isn't this grandly abused issue where fully formed babies are being decapitated as they come from the womb.

The question arose as to whether or not this was true.  A recent Catholic blog tried to explain how PP could get away with it.  Several other forums brought up ways in which they could do it however FactCheck.org, a page which has had a high rate of trust when challenged because their sources are well sited and well reviews, says "Abortions represent 3 percent of total services provided by Planned Parenthood, and roughly 10 percent of its clients received an abortion. The group does receive federal funding, but the money cannot be used for abortions by law."

This information may be slightly outdated as it was written in 2011, however, the LAW would have had to change - which it did not -  and if anything it should lend some credibility because it was long before Trump entered the political scene and people started to question this.

In a perfect world, we wouldn't need abortions.  Frankly, and parent who doesn't teach their child PROPERLY about birth control is a contributor to the entire problem.  It is not the school's responsibility, however a more comprehensive sex ed curriculum has been shown to be insanely effective so WHY DO RELIGIOUS NUTS CONTINUE TO RUIN GOOD DATA!?

That said, being Pro Choice doesn't automatically mean I think everyone should run out and get abortions every time they get pregnant inconveniently.  It means I RESPECT the CHOICE that other human beings have to make about having babies.  To assume that women will have the intelligence and support system to make the right choice between keeping a baby and giving it up for adoption AND believing they don't have the right to make the choice about their own bodies is a paradox.

I know people are worried about the death of these babies, the end of this clump of cells, and there is a certain "moral" issue.  The thing is, my moral opinion on the matter is also different.  A woman is here, on the earth, living with her choices.  A baby who has not been born may not have a choice, but they also don't have the capability of choice.  "What if I had been aborted!" Is a stupid argument because, you know, you never would have had the comprehension to know differently. Neither would your parents.

And what about late-term abortions?  Well, they are nearly non existent, despite what Pro Lifers will have you believe, and those that do happen are due to medical necessity.  While the numbers for "Medical Necessity" over "Convenience" are vastly different, the "Convenient" numbers drop  dramatically as pregnancies progress whilst the "Medical Necessities" pretty much take over by the time you reach the point when a life outside of the womb can be saved.

I couldn't have babies of my own.  My daughter is adopted.  I often find women in my position who feel strongly Pro Life, but me?  I see children who need to be loved and adopted.  Maybe they aren't babies, but is your love really conditional?  If so, you probably shouldn't be having or adopting babies anyway.  The world is over populated and the society we are creating feels pretty hateful.  If ALL the babies who are aborted in a year were NOT aborted, HOW MANY HUMANS would Earth have to provide homes and food for?!?!?  

Feminism

The thing is, I felt this woman was saying that because she is Pro Life - a stance which does NOT respect other's opinions, btw, by its very nature, she isn't welcome, then isn't she doing the same things the rest of the world does?  Trying to define WHAT feminism IS?

Feminism is complicated, too. The majority of feminist women I hear from - the ones who speak the loudest - would have you believe you are not a true feminist unless you are breaking glass ceilings, working 60 hour weeks, raising children (because you're super mom.  "Trust me.  The kids aren't suffering!" LIKE HELL THEY AREN'T) and basically putting down other women.  Maybe that's not the perception they have, but it's the one the exude.  So many of them don't take into account the stay at home moms who stay at home for mental reasons.  The non-type-A personalities who just CANNOT.  The women who have made a different choice.

While I think a feminist is a woman who is strong of character and can do things for herself (change a tire), I also don't think I'm a weakling because I don't change the engine on my car by myself.  (I do, coincidentally, go to an auto repair shop that is owned and operated by a woman, but that's because A - she is awesome, B-the seem honest, and C-they never talk down to me or any other woman I've seen come in.  This is not that case at many mechanics, so BONUS)

And people sometimes have perceptions of religious women who are obviously patriarchal.  While I don't find Mormons to be particularly encouraging of the feminist agenda, they aren't quite as misogynistic as portrayed.  They simply believe men have one responsibility and women have another.  Women are not supposed to be looked down upon by their husbands (forget what happens.  Corruption of every system happens so any examples made could be made about ANY group) and women aren't made to serve their husbands.  The idea is that men hold the priesthood to help tune them in to the spirit while women tend to already be in tune.  In the general, stereotypical ideals, women ARE more sensitive so this idea makes sense.

But I probably shouldn't act like an expert about that since I no longer consider myself a part of that religion and I don't really believe in it.  It's just that I think it gets a bad rap.  There are way bigger things they deserve to be criticized over.  Putting family first should not be one of them.

And recently. an Islamic woman brought to our attention their idea of feminism.  Covering up isn't a way to suppress women from the world, it is a way to protect them.  Despite my opinion on the matter, women in that faith and similar faiths do not feel oppressed.  They often feel respected.

Feminism doesn't have one face.  Thinking that we should all have the goal of getting to the same place as women does not allow women to get there.  In reality, it holds them back because they are forever conflicted about what they want and what they are supposed to want.  Isn't creating conflict exactly what we are trying to get MEN to stop doing to us?  So let's take a step back and respect other women's choices and call THAT feminism.  THAT should be the focus of these marches; not the goal which, currently, seems to be trying to say "Unless you do this, this, and this, YOU are not a feminist!"

Queries On the Subject of Equality...

Look, speaking of the Oscars, a certain winner mentioned equality.  Now, I know I should not have glanced at the comments below it, but it happened.  So, I want to ask a question...

Of the commentators who said things along the lines of "Oh yeah, a rich white lady telling other minorities how to treat rich white ladies."

Wait, Did you hear the part where she acknowledged women helping to fight the causes of minorities?  I'm pretty sure that's what she was getting at.  Do women not deserve equality because some minorities are still fighting for their equality?  No, we ALL get to fight.  Why should women continue to put their needs aside waiting for all the minorities to get equality BEFORE she gets her turn?  They are ALL valid arguments.  Women should not continue to be put last on the list just because you want your rights FIRST.

And number two, Who else is going to speak up in a forum where people will listen other than rich white ladies?  I'm a lower-middle class white lady.  Who is listening?  No one, that's who.

I remember one year there was an argument because Julia Roberts starred in a film and in the same year Tom Hanks starred in a film.  She was paid several million less, but her movie brought in several million more.  Now, I realize the amount they get paid is based on a contract signed before the success of the film, but the article I read pointed out that the following year, they both starred in films and their wages both increased, but Roberts' was still substantially lower.  While it's hard for us who struggle to make $50,000 a year to understand complaints by people making MILLIONS a year, the point is still the same.  

Is the pay equal for equal work?  (I apologize.  I read this article years ago so I can't even begin to think where to find the information.  The celebs might not even be right, but I am pretty sure it was those two.)

Of those people who said things along the lines of "Women get paid less because of life choices" ie, having babies.  

Hey, fucker, are you going to have the babies?  Please.  You'd have one cramp and kill yourself.  Allowances need to be made.  I don't know any guy whose wages would be lowered in expectation that he might have to take time off work for heart surgery or cancer treatments - both of which could easily be a result of YOUR life choices and don't provide the only thing to continue human life on earth.  Unless you want there to be NO MORE generations of children AT ALL, then women should not be punished for having wombs.

Of those who use the arguments that women don't get paid less, there is so much incredible evidence proving you wrong, I don't know where to begin.  Just because you listen to colloquial stories of OTHER RICH WHITE MEN, doesn't make you right.

What exactly are these men / non-"female equality advocates" afraid of?  That somehow if women get paid more, you will get paid less?  In the long run, it's possible your raises will be slightly less in order to budget women getting equal pay, but how do you prove that?  The fact is, no one is going to come in and say "Well, Sally does the same job as Sam, but he's getting $6,000 more a year so let's give Sally a $3,000 raise and cut Sam's wages by $3,000," are they?  

So why are you so incredibly defensive?  Why is it so important to make sure you think women are not worth as much as men?  It only make YOU look bad, not women.  Good job!

Who *Are* You Wearing?

I don't watch the Oscars.  It's just not for me.  I can't help an occasional glance at the dresses, though, partly because from a young age I remember seeing "Worst Dressed" collages on the fronts of magazines when Mom took me to the grocery store where half the time I would think "hey, that's kind of cool!" because it was creative or unique.

Today, Facebook is ablaze with all the Oscar hype.  I scroll past most of it, but then something caught my eye... This #askhermore campaign.  It's about asking women about more than their dress on the red carpet.  They had clips of women asking "Is that what you ask the men?" and a particular celeb looking annoyed that they panned up her dress before getting to her face.

Yeah, it's degrading.  From a feminist viewpoint, it's outright sexist.

But let me ask you a question.  What are the men wearing?  Tuxedos - all of them similar.  What are the women wearing?  Unique pieces of art.

What questions are they going to ask the guys?  "Why did you go with the blue bow tie look instead of the red lanyard this year?"

The women wear stunning gowns.  Of course that's going to be the topic of conversation.

Someone else said they could be asked about politics or their views on global warming.  Uhm, unless they're talking to Bill Nye, I doubt they ask the men such pressing questions, either.  It's fluff, kids.  IT'S ALL FLUFF!  From the nominations to the red carpet, it's about entertainment.

So while there should be some equality in the types of questions between men and women, unless all the women are hoping to show up in tuxedos next year, they probably better get used to the idea that their gowns will make the news.

ETA: Additionally, celebrities are handed gowns worth thousands of dollars (as well as jewelry) either as a loan or a gift for the purpose of mentioning the designers.  If these female celebrities keep responding to "Who are you wearing?" with the equivalent response to "It doesn't matter.  What matters is my mind!" they will be shopping off the rack for next year's gowns.  It may be a privilege of your status to get that masterpiece of dress design on your back, but it's a privilege that will be removed if the designers feel celebrities think their dresses are not worth mentioning at all.

Good luck with that!

From writing to feminism - thoughts for today

I was off to a wonderful start in September.  I wrote every day.  Then a big project came up and I got very little written for a few days.  Went back to it, then some stress from every day life made me lose focus.  It's easy to say "write every day!" but it's so hard to do.

Now here are the unpopular words.

I notice that a lot of the time when someone advocates writing every single day no matter what, it tends to be men.  Going off traditional roles and stereotypes (because sometimes I can't help myself!) I notice that it's mainly men who seem to find that kind of time every day.  They also say it's easy to write a book in the evenings after work.

What I'd like to know from the men who say this specifically is who does your laundry?  Who cleans the bathroom at your house?  Who picks up after you and keeps the kids quiet while you're writing?

Yet I know many writers with families.  I can think of one in particular where both people in the couple want to write.  She makes time for him to write and he plays on the computer instead.  He never makes time for her to write.

I've only come across two female writers in my life who have a spouse, kids, and a job.  One of them take months or years to complete a novel.

We look at this like it's a long process, then feel shamed because (and half the time it's men!) will say something like they can whip out a novel in a month.  One of the guys in my writing group says he goes from planning to completion in two weeks and that it shouldn't take too much longer if you plan well.  Excuse me, sir, but you are single, you are retired, and you don't have any kids visiting.

The point I'm getting around to; there is a certain amount of shaming from both other writers and people who don't write at all.  They all want you to whip up a novel and have it perfect, ready for viewing in a month or two and figure if you just toss out a few queries, you'll have that income so stop complaining about money already and just do it.

My experience
It may be different to other experiences.  I actually still have it pretty easy. I am responsible for keeping the house in a reasonable level of lived-in-but-not-cluttered state.  There are the usual laundry, dishes, and cleaning for which I am responsible.  Despite having a great kid who can help clean and is quite responsible, the one place I've fallen short is allowing her and my husband to think I'm the cleanup fairy.  Every day I walk around the house picking up garbage, putting dishes in the sink, wiping up little messes made, and that sort of thing.

The other major responsibility is thinking about everything that no one else wants to think about.  When anything goes south (and because our household income is modest, everything that isn't planned ahead of time such as car repairs, sick pets, and leaky faucets become "south") I'm the one who researches, fixes, comes up with answers, and makes the decision.  I try to involve the spouse, but he responds with "I don't know" and heads off to work.

This is actually a female epidemic.  Do you wonder why most receptionists are women?  Because women see the holes and are willing to fill them up.  Men just say "I don't know" and hand it off.  I've observed this a lot over the years.  It's not just women stuck to cleaning the house.  Even in the supposedly equal working world, they are the ones picking up the pieces because men don't seem interested in that little bit of extra work.  Pass it off rather than follow through.

Disclaimer: I realize this isn't always true of the male/female dynamic.  I'm not a man hating beast who always pigeon holes the roles, but I really have had a lot of situations to observe between receptionist roles at male dominated companies, working in more female dominated companies, and living in a subculture where stay-at-home mom is much more highly encouraged (and working moms are shamed more than typical)