Writing progession

I started this as a Facebook status update, but then I realized I have much to say on the subject.  I think later I'd like to know where I was from time to time in order to remind myself that progress has been and will be made!

Currently, I am rewriting the first novel I have made any *real* attempt to sell. (There have been many attempts, but focus and moxy are things in me which still require growth.)  I had an idea that I'm convinced will make it better.  I hope so!  I felt I had it perfect so it is a bit unnerving to go back to it.

You see, several years ago after finishing my first novel* I began to make some changes.  I thought it would add to the suspense and intrigue, but instead of fertilizing it, I felt as though I had poisoned the tree.  I still plug away at that one a bit at a time and eventually will repair all the damage (I am well beyond half way, so there is hope!) and somewhere inside of me I know that when it is finished, it will be the best it has ever been.  It's just a struggle right now.

I have many ideas and many beginnings throughout the years.  Each requires its own set of experiences and mind-set to explore.  I wonder if going back is the opposite of growth.  I wonder if I'm a good enough writer to have anything worth while.

I may have mentioned this before in my blog.  I tried not to be a writer for a while.  After a few years I realized I had become an extremely prolific fan-fic writer.  I love those fandom days and would not trade them for the world, though I see my current work as growth from there so I do not wish to revisit those days.  Then I wonder if revisiting these other novels is also a step back.

Meanwhile, I have a third one which started out as a bit of fun, but the voices are so interesting and spunky to me that I think I need to clean it up and share it.  I know I enjoy reading it and so did my spouse.

Then there is the fourth one which I have rewritten three different ways and keep changing.  It brings in my interest in history, but right after I started it, my friend asked me to help proof read her novel and now I feel like mine's a joke.  I mean, she is really talented, rather brilliant, and probable more entitled to get somewhere with her writing than I.

Then there are the other beginnings that don't have completed ideas.  Some days I think I'm stalling on selling because I would love to just write and write, then sell it all at the end.  Other times I think maybe if I could sell some and get a little feedback, it would help me usher these other ideas to their proper seats.

I was doing very well at writing every day until last Thursday.  Now it seems there have been obstacles every day.  I have a lot to get done today, yet I write a blog in my spare minutes rather than my book.  What is up with that?  I need a breath mint for my brain!

* Wait.  Wouldn't that be my second?  I finished the one I started in middle school, but have thrown that all out. OH!  And then there was the second one, but I didn't finish that.  And the third, but I have that idea at the back of my head to start over from scratch.  I guess it would have been the first one that made me think about selling my works instead of just writing them for myself and my friends.