So, I get comments a lot and questions a lot. I've read so much damn information on the internet, it makes the brain contort into a monkey shaped crayon. I don't expect others to go read all that information, however, so I've compiled a list. People love lists on the internets these days!
5 things you should not say to your friend (or new acquaintance) who is a writer.
1. Are you published?
No, but that doesn't make me any less of a writer. Writing isn't just putting a few words to paper. It's letting the voices tell you their stories, spending hours conceiving, planning, and executing ideas. It's telling a detailed story. Most importantly, it's being able to finish what you've started. I began writing as a youngun', but I never could finish an idea until high school. After that, it still became difficult. It took practice, practice, practice to learn that skill. That's not true for everyone, but I guarantee everyone who is an author had some skill they had to practice and hone in order to consider themselves legitimate. Publishing is not the line distinguishing between a "real" writer and a dabbler. Publishing isn't even the goal for some authors. I realize that by calling myself a writer instead of an aspiring writer makes it hard to distinguish between one who is published and one who isn't, but how do I distinguish myself between someone who has an idea and has written a few paragraphs one weekend from one who has been working on it as an artistic craft for as long as she can remember? A painter is a painter because they paint, not because they have sold paintings. Why is a writer supposed to be labeled differently when they are artists with words?
Actually, this question doesn't bother me quite as much as the follow up which is either an expression indicating that I am not a "real" writer or another question such as "Why not?" which basically indicates if you finish a novel and then call a publisher and say "Hey, I'm done," then that's all there is to it. So I'll address that next:
2. Why not?
What the layman doesn't understand is that it's not about the value or quality of the work. Getting published (unless you know someone who knows someone) is about the value and quality of a 1 page query letter "please please please request to read my novel. You get thousands of queries a day, but mine is special, I swear!" followed by the value and quality of a 2 page synopsis "I told my story in 350 pages, but in 2 pages I'm supposed to give you a summary that makes you realize what's unique about my story!"
In some cases it's about winning a contest. That's fantastic and all, but have you ever watched American Idol? You know how there are a dozen people on that show and they're all great? Then they narrow it down to 3 and really, how are you supposed to choose? They're all pretty amazing! There are many people in this world who can't sing at all and you start out with a dozen great ones, then eventually pick the 1 that is the best in many ways including appearance, showmanship, and outfits. They aren't looking for the next act that changes the way we see music, though. They want someone who sings well, offends no one, and who will be a pop star. This is what I refer to as beige. They are looking for someone beige - they go with everything and have a way of hiding the dirt just a little bit. JK Rowlings is a pop star for novelists as is Stephanie Meyer. I aspire to be Radiohead or Smashing Pumpkins - not everyone gets it, but those who do are my kindred spirits! I am those voice for those who are on the outside and just feel like they never see things the way "everyone else" seems to see things.
Maybe I'm flattering myself, but I'm in that top dozen people, not that top one. I don't see myself winning any contests, but being in the top dozen is still pretty good. Do I deserve to be passed over for publication because I'm not that top 1 of all the thousands of writers out there? I think if we did that, there wouldn't be enough books for the voracious readers and only a few voices would be heard in a world where everyone wants to be unique.
3. I have an idea for a novel! Maybe I should write it. (Or maybe you should write it for me!)
Actually, this one is an interesting conundrum to hear. My first response is "Yes! You should!" Initially as a reader, I figure you might have something interesting to say. Right after that, though, the devil pops in and say "Then you might understand how hard it is to get from beginning to end, edit, share with others and take harsh criticism, and basically see the other things on this list I go through in order to feed the demon that is my dream."
Everyone seems to have an idea. Whether it be a novel or a memoir, I don't doubt everyone has something interesting to say. Meanwhile, I've got 5 novels at varying points of completion, 5 more ideas percolating, and dozens of voices who converse in my head without my consent. Ideas are clearly not my problem.
4. Can I read something?
Don't say this unless you mean it. Also, if you have editorial skills, please say this! I love having diverse eyes read my work, but I also don't want to give it to someone who isn't as excited to read it as I am to have it read and receive feedback.
Honestly, I know the reason I'm really getting asked this question. Because you want to read my work so you can feel superior in the knowledge that I'm not as good as Stephen King. Well, a) Stephen King has an editor and b) don't think you can do better unless you've done it. The only friends who are allowed to judge me have thus far been nice enough not to and have actually been supportive of my work (even though I've read theirs and they are super-talented, putting me to shame!)
5. What's it about?
Well, the first problem is when you say 'it', I don't really know what you mean. The one I'm in the middle of writing? The one I just finished? The one I'm editing? All my works? I'm not quite sure what people really want to know when they ask this question because they don't seem that interested in the answer. I've tried a simple "Suspense" or "Romance, but not bodice ripper" and I've tried giving them a brief summary. I've tried telling a cute anecdote from the pages as well as vaguely saying "It varies" No matter what answer I give, the recipient most often follows up with other questions that are just as frustrating. If I say suspense, they say "Like Stephen King?". Well, he's horror and also sort of a pop star. Not what I'm aspiring to write. If I say "Romance", the ask about the sex. If I say it's not that kind of romance, they seem relieved. See, I don't write the bodice rippers, but don't harsh on them, man. They are the best selling novels around and if I was doing it for the money, I'd make mine ALL sex so I could get PAID.
Sometimes I give a little summary, but the thing is, everyone is different and what I write may not be the kind of thing you like to read. That's okay! I'm aware of this fact. If that's the case, I'm not writing it for you. In fact, you may be my friend, but I'm still not writing it for you. I'm writing it for me and anyone else who gets it.
I think I'd like to follow this up with things to say to a writer and maybe something about how to end up in one of my novels. Check back soon!
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