My family is messed up in a completely different way than my husbands family is messed up. Literally every day, someone's drama is stupid. For a while, I've said I should start blogging all this stuff because it's better than following a soap opera.
Today's comment is vague and mild, but...
Hey, I know I drove you, my adult child, to this restaurant, but one of my adult (older than you) male children needs a ride so I'm going to go pick him up. You will have to find another way home.
Because abandoning one child to go get another makes more sense than him being an adult and hiring Uber?
Friday, July 8, 2016
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Is Advocating for Gun Ownership AND Gun Control Allowed?
Let me start by clearing up something right away.
I do not wish to take away your guns
I do not wish to ban guns
It may not seem this way for what follows, but I actually believe in the right to keep and bear arms. I just have a lot of reservations.
Maybe those gun advocates who speak for all gun owners should re-evaluate their thought process. When you dismiss the conversations to STOP MURDER, are you actually CONDONING MURDER? You want to say no, of course, but if you are not focusing on the murders that just occurred and instead talking about gun rights, what are you saying? Do you not believe that we deserve to have a conversation? Do you not believe there is any association whatsoever? Can you really deny the fact that these mass murders are worse because they are happening at the end of a gun instead of some horrible person coming up with a way to stab or poison 50 people all at once? (There are a lot of article supporting the idea that using a gun removes the killer from the personalization of an attack, thereby making it easier for them to kill many than if they had actual blood on their hands, but that's cherry picking data so I won't use it as anything other than a "common sense" argument.)
Asking gun owners to register their weapons is like asking drivers to register their cars. Requiring vigorous licensing process to prove you understand gun safety and are not a risk to others is like asking you not to drink and drive. Asking you to lock up your weapons is like asking you to lock your doors in an unsafe neighborhood. How do these things which may very well HELP to STOP certain MURDERS from occurring really hurt RESPONSIBLE GUN OWNERS? You say you are a responsible gun owner, but you don't want to be asked to lock up your guns, register your weapons, or prove your ability to use a gun properly. Are you sure you are responsible? Maybe you are responsible, but you don't like the idea of proving it. But why should I trust you? Why should your lack of trust in registering your weapons, etc, be more important that my lack of trust in you?
What most gun advocates don't realize is that they are repeating the words of the NRA, an organization run by wealthy zealots. Why are you questioning the government, the food industry, and the medical industry, (also run by wealthy zealots) but you refuse to question the NRA?
Frontline: Gunned Down
Transcript, if you prefer to read.
In a way, these shootings are a crime of opportunity. If your neighbor gets robbed and then admits he doesn't lock his front door, what do you think? HONESTLY. Maybe you don't think it is his fault, but you wonder if he could have prevented it. You probably have less sympathy. Maybe you do blame him. Now imagine that person had guns, not locked up, that were stolen and used in a crime. IT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED. Don't we lock our cars and houses in an attempt to prevent a violation of our property? Don't we teach our kids to look both ways before crossing the street to prevent losing them? Don't we do a million things to prevent bad things from happening? Why is it so wrong to suggest that gun owners take steps to prevent MURDER.
The second amendment of the Constitution of the United States reads as follows: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. The history and reality of this law might be interesting to note. I don't typically think Wikipedia is the most reliable resource out there, but it's also not bad, especially for the point that I am making, which includes the reason this amendment was added to our Constitution and the politics behind it.
Why do gun enthusiasts think that creating laws that allow you to own your weapons, but may prevent MASS MURDER is limiting your freedom. Your freedom is in RESPONSIBLE GUN OWNERSHIP, not allowing MURDER to occur.
It's easy to get hung up on that word "infringe". Cambridge defines it thusly: To act in a way that is against a law or that limits someone’s rights or freedom.
Many comments are designed to stop the conversation. (Only criminals will have guns) (mental health issues). We need to stop ending the conversation. If you do not have a solution to the problem, then talking about 2nd amendment rights and spouting NRA propaganda is not helping. The liberals are asking for ways to STOP MURDER. The conservatives sound like they are not interested in STOPPING MURDER when they dismiss the conversation with these propaganda statements.
I understand that those who obtain their guns for personal use, hunting, etc, don't want to be "punished" for the actions of the "crazies" who commit these active shooter situations, but I also don't think I should be paying higher car insurance rates because of those who are uninsured, underinsured, or those who drive drunk. You're demented if you think drunk drivers don't have a factor in your auto insurance rates. Hell, if I have a sports car, I automatically pay more because other sports car drivers are more likely to speed or drive recklessly. If I drive like a saint, I still pay a high rate. (Yes, some companies are trying to change that with "snapshot" discounts, but those discounts come off of an already inflated rate, so you're still somewhat responsible for what other drivers do.)
I don't like paying more at the grocery store to make up for theft, but we all do that every day (except those who steal!) It's just part of the reality of a situation. You cannot own a gun without being asked to be an adult. Being an adult means car insurance, mortgage or rent (which can also increase based on bad tennants or those who don't pay their mortgage), buying groceries, and should probably mean a much stiffer system for obtaining guns. This definitely DOES NOT mean that responsible adults should not be allowed to obtain guns. See how that works? No one is taking anything away or trying to stop you, the responsible gun owner, from getting more guns.
We just want to have a conversation.
And if you think the solutions being offered to help the situation (licensing, registration, full background checks that are completed before the release of a gun sale, requiring the same things at a gun show) are NOT the solution, then PLEASE come up with another solution instead of STOPPING the conversation by bringing up the second amendment, criminals, and the other red herrings that do not offer a solution.
Because currently, it is this easy to obtain a gun legally and then kill a bunch of people.
Also: 6 Things Americans Should Know About Mass Shootings
If this doesn't rip your heart to pieces:
I hope anyone who ever considers shooting someone sees this.
Consider this:
I am very tired, it's past my bedtime, and I hope this all made sense...
I do not wish to take away your guns
I do not wish to ban guns
It may not seem this way for what follows, but I actually believe in the right to keep and bear arms. I just have a lot of reservations.
The aftermath of a mass shooting
Those asking FOR gun control (these words do NOT mean "ban"!) are trying to find ways to STOP MURDER. Those who immediately respond with cries of second amendment rights, mental illness as the real problem, "You want to take away our guns!", "If you ciminalize guns, only criminals will have guns!", etc, sound like they are not interested in STOPPING MURDER.Maybe those gun advocates who speak for all gun owners should re-evaluate their thought process. When you dismiss the conversations to STOP MURDER, are you actually CONDONING MURDER? You want to say no, of course, but if you are not focusing on the murders that just occurred and instead talking about gun rights, what are you saying? Do you not believe that we deserve to have a conversation? Do you not believe there is any association whatsoever? Can you really deny the fact that these mass murders are worse because they are happening at the end of a gun instead of some horrible person coming up with a way to stab or poison 50 people all at once? (There are a lot of article supporting the idea that using a gun removes the killer from the personalization of an attack, thereby making it easier for them to kill many than if they had actual blood on their hands, but that's cherry picking data so I won't use it as anything other than a "common sense" argument.)
Asking gun owners to register their weapons is like asking drivers to register their cars. Requiring vigorous licensing process to prove you understand gun safety and are not a risk to others is like asking you not to drink and drive. Asking you to lock up your weapons is like asking you to lock your doors in an unsafe neighborhood. How do these things which may very well HELP to STOP certain MURDERS from occurring really hurt RESPONSIBLE GUN OWNERS? You say you are a responsible gun owner, but you don't want to be asked to lock up your guns, register your weapons, or prove your ability to use a gun properly. Are you sure you are responsible? Maybe you are responsible, but you don't like the idea of proving it. But why should I trust you? Why should your lack of trust in registering your weapons, etc, be more important that my lack of trust in you?
What most gun advocates don't realize is that they are repeating the words of the NRA, an organization run by wealthy zealots. Why are you questioning the government, the food industry, and the medical industry, (also run by wealthy zealots) but you refuse to question the NRA?
Frontline: Gunned Down
Transcript, if you prefer to read.
In a way, these shootings are a crime of opportunity. If your neighbor gets robbed and then admits he doesn't lock his front door, what do you think? HONESTLY. Maybe you don't think it is his fault, but you wonder if he could have prevented it. You probably have less sympathy. Maybe you do blame him. Now imagine that person had guns, not locked up, that were stolen and used in a crime. IT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED. Don't we lock our cars and houses in an attempt to prevent a violation of our property? Don't we teach our kids to look both ways before crossing the street to prevent losing them? Don't we do a million things to prevent bad things from happening? Why is it so wrong to suggest that gun owners take steps to prevent MURDER.
The Second Amendment
The second amendment of the Constitution of the United States reads as follows: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. The history and reality of this law might be interesting to note. I don't typically think Wikipedia is the most reliable resource out there, but it's also not bad, especially for the point that I am making, which includes the reason this amendment was added to our Constitution and the politics behind it.
Why do gun enthusiasts think that creating laws that allow you to own your weapons, but may prevent MASS MURDER is limiting your freedom. Your freedom is in RESPONSIBLE GUN OWNERSHIP, not allowing MURDER to occur.
It's easy to get hung up on that word "infringe". Cambridge defines it thusly: To act in a way that is against a law or that limits someone’s rights or freedom.
Silencing the Conversation
Stop trying to silence the conversation asking for sensible gun control by crying about your second amendment rights. It does not grant immunity from laws that look to ask you to restrict gun ownership.Many comments are designed to stop the conversation. (Only criminals will have guns) (mental health issues). We need to stop ending the conversation. If you do not have a solution to the problem, then talking about 2nd amendment rights and spouting NRA propaganda is not helping. The liberals are asking for ways to STOP MURDER. The conservatives sound like they are not interested in STOPPING MURDER when they dismiss the conversation with these propaganda statements.
I understand that those who obtain their guns for personal use, hunting, etc, don't want to be "punished" for the actions of the "crazies" who commit these active shooter situations, but I also don't think I should be paying higher car insurance rates because of those who are uninsured, underinsured, or those who drive drunk. You're demented if you think drunk drivers don't have a factor in your auto insurance rates. Hell, if I have a sports car, I automatically pay more because other sports car drivers are more likely to speed or drive recklessly. If I drive like a saint, I still pay a high rate. (Yes, some companies are trying to change that with "snapshot" discounts, but those discounts come off of an already inflated rate, so you're still somewhat responsible for what other drivers do.)
I don't like paying more at the grocery store to make up for theft, but we all do that every day (except those who steal!) It's just part of the reality of a situation. You cannot own a gun without being asked to be an adult. Being an adult means car insurance, mortgage or rent (which can also increase based on bad tennants or those who don't pay their mortgage), buying groceries, and should probably mean a much stiffer system for obtaining guns. This definitely DOES NOT mean that responsible adults should not be allowed to obtain guns. See how that works? No one is taking anything away or trying to stop you, the responsible gun owner, from getting more guns.
We just want to have a conversation.
And if you think the solutions being offered to help the situation (licensing, registration, full background checks that are completed before the release of a gun sale, requiring the same things at a gun show) are NOT the solution, then PLEASE come up with another solution instead of STOPPING the conversation by bringing up the second amendment, criminals, and the other red herrings that do not offer a solution.
Because currently, it is this easy to obtain a gun legally and then kill a bunch of people.
Also: 6 Things Americans Should Know About Mass Shootings
If this doesn't rip your heart to pieces:
I hope anyone who ever considers shooting someone sees this.
Consider this:
I am very tired, it's past my bedtime, and I hope this all made sense...
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Teen Suicide
What a fun subject today, but it weighs heavily on my mind today.
In November, during Thanksgiving break, a boy who would have to be classified as a close acquaintance of my daughter killed himself.
The day after Mother's Day, a boy much closer killed himself. Exactly one week later, another boy from the circle killed himself.
Remember the days when a hug, a bandage, and some super glue could fix anything for your child? Those days are over.
Now there is this swirling vortex in my head. The thing is, I'm not too concerned about my child. I've have long conversations with her (where I listen more than speak) and she seems to understand that there are a lot of people who care about her, people who would be devastated if she took her life. She is a mess of emotions; anger, sadness, guilt, and everything that is normal to feel when you are young and don't know where all your feelings can go.
I'm more worried about the other kids at that school who are at risk. And I'm still concerned about my kid because I think about the fact that even if a student whom she does not know kills himself, at this point, she will hurt.
In November, during Thanksgiving break, a boy who would have to be classified as a close acquaintance of my daughter killed himself.
The day after Mother's Day, a boy much closer killed himself. Exactly one week later, another boy from the circle killed himself.
Remember the days when a hug, a bandage, and some super glue could fix anything for your child? Those days are over.
Now there is this swirling vortex in my head. The thing is, I'm not too concerned about my child. I've have long conversations with her (where I listen more than speak) and she seems to understand that there are a lot of people who care about her, people who would be devastated if she took her life. She is a mess of emotions; anger, sadness, guilt, and everything that is normal to feel when you are young and don't know where all your feelings can go.
I'm more worried about the other kids at that school who are at risk. And I'm still concerned about my kid because I think about the fact that even if a student whom she does not know kills himself, at this point, she will hurt.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
List: Ways to be prepared for anything at your kid's game!
Lacrosse has been a lot of fun, but lately I started reminiscing about the first season she played. We loved watching her learn the sport and even though they lost all their games back then, they had smiles on their faces and determination.
But for a new parent, things were different. My memory of me and my husband, proud parents, included pulling up our hoods, zipping up tight, wrapping our arms around ourselves, and praying we didn't freeze to death.
Because some days it is really warm at your house, but the game is at a higher elevation and an open field so the wind whips right through you. Other times, you feel cool in the shade, but out on the field, the sun is burning your skin. Then there are the days where you forget it's a double header, plus warm-up time, no trees in sight, and you come home looking like a lobster.
So while we started out by carrying a couple canvas folding chairs and a jacket, we ended up with a nifty little bag that has kept us comfortable. I've watched other seasoned parents carrying armloads of gear to the field, bringing other kids to help them carry and I think maybe I've figured out the right mixture.
Seriously, this is all we have needed for three years (starting the fourth season in the spring). It's small enough that I carry the bag in my trunk all year (you never know!) and it's convenient to carry out to the field.- I started with this (diaper) bag because, well, I sell Avon so I got it really cheap. I gave away the insides to someone I knew who just had a baby. It's been perfect (for two)! It's about 17 inches wide, 12 inches tall. You don't need anything enormous.
- Buy two 1-yard pieces of polar or cuddle fleece at the fabric store. These make great warm blankets and they're pretty adorable. Make sure the pattern will embarrass your athlete. In December and January that fabric goes on sale really cheap! Roll them up. Two fit perfectly in this bag.
- Tuck in two umbrellas. Much like soccer, they only cancel lacrosse if they see lightning strike the field or the snow is deeper than an inch. Umbrellas protect you from those rainy days, but also help cool you off parasol-style on the relentlessly cloudless, sunny days.
- Slide a zipper case first aid kit down one side. I know they have first aid on the field, but it never hurts to have your own, right? I tucked some allergy pills in the kit. Sometimes you find yourself at a field near farms and those allergies you think are mild can act up quite a bit!
- In one pocket we carry tissues and I stick Avon's bug guard / sun screen (two birds, one spray bottle!) into the same pocket.
- We can get two water bottles in there, too.
- Strap a couple baseball caps to the handle if you don't wear one regularly.
- Throw an old jacket or extra blanket in the trunk of your car just in case.
- One folding chair per person. Over at Home Depot, they sell these things for less than $10 - I even picked it up on a rare $4.88 sale! - they hold our (not skinny!) weight, they are light to carry, and they happen to come in orange (my daughter's team is orange and blue).
What about you? Do you think there should be more on this list?
Monday, December 7, 2015
Self Published Authors Are Not Always Publishing House Rejects
I've always written. When I was 12, something I wrote got me in trouble; not because it was controversial, but because it wasn't clean, LDS, happy unicorns eating cotton candy. The upheaval caused by that story didn't stop me from writing, it stopped me from sharing. A few intimate friends still knew I wrote. Now, I am still guarded.
All those years, though, I wanted to be published. I wanted to share my words with others who needed to hear them. I entered a few contests where I got lots of compliments, but never won. I feel I am in the good-writer-but-not-amazing-writer category. Some where, maybe egotistically, around 8 on a scale of 1-10. I feel a lot of novelists who get published are around 7-8, too, but they know people who know people. I know no one. The ones who get discovered without knowing anyone are 10s and frankly that's only about 1% of published novels. That's today, though. Tomorrow I'll believe I'm a 2.
I didn't want to be published for fame and money at first, but people start to fill your head with the idea that legitimacy is the only purpose to publication and as you get older, your idealism and reality try to meet; thinking you could actually pay the bills by doing what you love.
Then you hit 40 and realize you may never pay the bills with what you love and that people hate their jobs so that they have something to write about.
You also might realize that you love writing, but you hate selling your novel or trying to convince some arrogant publisher's assistant to let said publisher read your novel by reducing yourself to a 3 paragraph query letter. Yeah, I sent out a few. Of course I got rejected. It didn't hurt my feelings because this is the thing about writing BOOKS. You take 300 pages to get your point across FOR A REASON. Agents and publishers want a hook to sell your book; this makes sense, but they don't really want to hear about the book.
In a self-loathing as well as self-righteous sort of way, I suppose, I think most self-published novels are crap. I think the majority are not well written or well edited. Something must be wrong to they would be published by a major publishing house, right?
And yet self-published novels are becoming hits. Some of them are poorly written; filled with salacious erotica adapted from fanfic (don't knock it until you've tried it. These are people who aren't afraid of being hackneyed pulp writers, and yet their ideas are new, fresh, beautiful, creative, and all the things that we are told are not what makes good writing. It can be the MOST ARTISTIC WRITING in the world!) and some are great, but go completely unnoticed. You are responsible for your own marketing, but if you are struggling to pay your bills, there may not be enough to justify a comprehensive marketing plan so you plug away, hoping you'll get lucky.
Some do. Some don't.
But I remembered the days I wrote and it wasn't about the money. I just wanted to share my words with people who needed to hear them.
So I turn to self-publishing not because the big houses won't have me, but because they don't even know who I am.
All those years, though, I wanted to be published. I wanted to share my words with others who needed to hear them. I entered a few contests where I got lots of compliments, but never won. I feel I am in the good-writer-but-not-amazing-writer category. Some where, maybe egotistically, around 8 on a scale of 1-10. I feel a lot of novelists who get published are around 7-8, too, but they know people who know people. I know no one. The ones who get discovered without knowing anyone are 10s and frankly that's only about 1% of published novels. That's today, though. Tomorrow I'll believe I'm a 2.
I didn't want to be published for fame and money at first, but people start to fill your head with the idea that legitimacy is the only purpose to publication and as you get older, your idealism and reality try to meet; thinking you could actually pay the bills by doing what you love.
Then you hit 40 and realize you may never pay the bills with what you love and that people hate their jobs so that they have something to write about.
You also might realize that you love writing, but you hate selling your novel or trying to convince some arrogant publisher's assistant to let said publisher read your novel by reducing yourself to a 3 paragraph query letter. Yeah, I sent out a few. Of course I got rejected. It didn't hurt my feelings because this is the thing about writing BOOKS. You take 300 pages to get your point across FOR A REASON. Agents and publishers want a hook to sell your book; this makes sense, but they don't really want to hear about the book.
In a self-loathing as well as self-righteous sort of way, I suppose, I think most self-published novels are crap. I think the majority are not well written or well edited. Something must be wrong to they would be published by a major publishing house, right?
And yet self-published novels are becoming hits. Some of them are poorly written; filled with salacious erotica adapted from fanfic (don't knock it until you've tried it. These are people who aren't afraid of being hackneyed pulp writers, and yet their ideas are new, fresh, beautiful, creative, and all the things that we are told are not what makes good writing. It can be the MOST ARTISTIC WRITING in the world!) and some are great, but go completely unnoticed. You are responsible for your own marketing, but if you are struggling to pay your bills, there may not be enough to justify a comprehensive marketing plan so you plug away, hoping you'll get lucky.
Some do. Some don't.
But I remembered the days I wrote and it wasn't about the money. I just wanted to share my words with people who needed to hear them.
So I turn to self-publishing not because the big houses won't have me, but because they don't even know who I am.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Parenting Tips
All right. I know I've just got the one kid and was the baby of a large family so I don't know everything, but as is the theme of the internet, I'm going to pretend I know everything about everything anway. I will follow this up with sweeping generalizations and judging words. Basically, it's the things lots of people think, but it would make us bad people to say it out loud. Frankly, it makes me a bad person to make it public on a blog, too, but I know all, therefore, I will say it anyway.
Let's start with the fact that I know everything about parenting.
I went to the store with my sister. Look, I love her, but she's crazy. She's got 5 kids and I know she loves them. I know she believes in certain things regarding the rearing of children that I find insane. Avoiding the word no is one of them.
Hell to the 'No'
I've heard the parents who believe you should never say the word no. Instead you should distract the child. I've also seen the ones who say no, but don't follow through. The biggest excuse seems to be that they don't want to get into an argument with their kid.
So, you're too exhausted to go head to head with a three year old. Do you think it's going to get easier when they are 15? Hellz to the NO!
You have kids and if you want responsible adults, then you are going to have to put on your big kid undies and remind your kids that you run the household, not them.
I get it with my sister, okay? 5 kids! 3 who are not school age, yet. I got exhausted fighting with my one kid at times, but the best advice I got came from the book The Baby Whisperer
Start as you mean to go on.
THE LESSON: If you mean to give in to your kids' demands for their entire lives, then by all means, give up the fight before it even starts. The quickest way to your kids running the show instead of the parents is by giving them too much power. Too much power is what they feel when Mom is too tired to push back on important issues - ones that affect their future and their siblings.
Holding Hands is for Sissies!
My sister needed me to go grocery shopping with her in order to get supplies for a party for one of her kids. I'm helping prep some food and she wanted some input. We get out of the car with the 3 younger kids. She's carrying the baby and completely oblivious to the other two.
THE LESSON: Until a kid is in kindergarten, you hold their hand to cross the street or in parking lots. This isn't because you worry about the kid running off, it's because it is a little unfair to expect that cars coming through the parking lot can see your little munchkin! Better to attach them to your body. Not enough hands? Teach them to grab a pocket or carry ribbon with you. You think you've taught your kid not to wonder, but when they see a gumball machine, they will forget the rules.
Whoever Yells the Loudest Wins.
One day, our 13 year old said "Why doesn't [my sister] just say that's the way it is." My husband said "Who runs that house?" and without missing a beat, our 13 year old astutely responsed "Whoever yells the loudest."
Truth.
We were going to say "the kids", but her answer is even more correct.
S would lean forward. L leaned forward. S moved left. L moved left. S sat back and folded her arms. L sat back and folded her arms. S angrily says "Stop copying me. You know it makes me mad. Why would you want to do that?"
I've seen this situation a dozen times at my sister's house. Someone would move a book. Another kid yells. Mom and Dad say "You know that bothers him. Why would you do that?" Or "Just leave it there because he likes it better there."
So, the kid who moved the book doesn't have the right to like the book better where she put it? No, because it's the kid who throws the biggest fit who gets things his way. They say it's OCD, but OCD in this case is being catered to. OCD is fast becoming a serious condition and turning into an excuse. "My crazy trumps your crazy because it's OCD. You have to do it my way, not your way, because I'm OCD." NO. Maybe I really, really like the way I do things. Why do you get to use "OCD" as a blanket term for people to follow your unreasonable demands? This is what they are teaching their kids. They come first as long as they whine about it longer and louder than anyone else.
I've met those adults. They are no fun to be around and make everyone else miserable. YAY!
THE LESSON: My body is my body. Your body is your body. As long as my body doesn't affect your body physically, I can do whatever the hell I want. If it bothers you, that's *your* problem and NO ONE ELSE'S.
Let's start with the fact that I know everything about parenting.
I went to the store with my sister. Look, I love her, but she's crazy. She's got 5 kids and I know she loves them. I know she believes in certain things regarding the rearing of children that I find insane. Avoiding the word no is one of them.
Hell to the 'No'
I've heard the parents who believe you should never say the word no. Instead you should distract the child. I've also seen the ones who say no, but don't follow through. The biggest excuse seems to be that they don't want to get into an argument with their kid.
So, you're too exhausted to go head to head with a three year old. Do you think it's going to get easier when they are 15? Hellz to the NO!
You have kids and if you want responsible adults, then you are going to have to put on your big kid undies and remind your kids that you run the household, not them.
I get it with my sister, okay? 5 kids! 3 who are not school age, yet. I got exhausted fighting with my one kid at times, but the best advice I got came from the book The Baby Whisperer
Start as you mean to go on.
THE LESSON: If you mean to give in to your kids' demands for their entire lives, then by all means, give up the fight before it even starts. The quickest way to your kids running the show instead of the parents is by giving them too much power. Too much power is what they feel when Mom is too tired to push back on important issues - ones that affect their future and their siblings.
Holding Hands is for Sissies!
My sister needed me to go grocery shopping with her in order to get supplies for a party for one of her kids. I'm helping prep some food and she wanted some input. We get out of the car with the 3 younger kids. She's carrying the baby and completely oblivious to the other two.
THE LESSON: Until a kid is in kindergarten, you hold their hand to cross the street or in parking lots. This isn't because you worry about the kid running off, it's because it is a little unfair to expect that cars coming through the parking lot can see your little munchkin! Better to attach them to your body. Not enough hands? Teach them to grab a pocket or carry ribbon with you. You think you've taught your kid not to wonder, but when they see a gumball machine, they will forget the rules.
Whoever Yells the Loudest Wins.
One day, our 13 year old said "Why doesn't [my sister] just say that's the way it is." My husband said "Who runs that house?" and without missing a beat, our 13 year old astutely responsed "Whoever yells the loudest."
Truth.
We were going to say "the kids", but her answer is even more correct.
S would lean forward. L leaned forward. S moved left. L moved left. S sat back and folded her arms. L sat back and folded her arms. S angrily says "Stop copying me. You know it makes me mad. Why would you want to do that?"
I've seen this situation a dozen times at my sister's house. Someone would move a book. Another kid yells. Mom and Dad say "You know that bothers him. Why would you do that?" Or "Just leave it there because he likes it better there."
So, the kid who moved the book doesn't have the right to like the book better where she put it? No, because it's the kid who throws the biggest fit who gets things his way. They say it's OCD, but OCD in this case is being catered to. OCD is fast becoming a serious condition and turning into an excuse. "My crazy trumps your crazy because it's OCD. You have to do it my way, not your way, because I'm OCD." NO. Maybe I really, really like the way I do things. Why do you get to use "OCD" as a blanket term for people to follow your unreasonable demands? This is what they are teaching their kids. They come first as long as they whine about it longer and louder than anyone else.
I've met those adults. They are no fun to be around and make everyone else miserable. YAY!
Racism - Fun Topic, Right?
I've been watching 'The Facts of Life' because it's a show I really liked when I was younger and watching it now, the early years anyway, I realize how many topics they tried to talk about which shows had not, could not, or chose not to discuss. Some topics are still taboo.
In the episode I watched with my husband and daughter on Wednesday, Blair (The Spoiled One) learned that someone back in her family tree had not only fought against integration, he turned out to be a member of the KKK.
Three letters that make even this whiter that white girl's heart skip a beat with sadness and despair so I cannot imagine what they do to a person of a certain other race.* (see below)
Well, Blair overcompensated to Token Black Girl on the show and then one of the girls confronted her. Blair said something along the lines of "My grandfather was racist. What if that means I'm racist, too?"
And the friend said "Blair, you are not racist."
Ah. Remember that brief time in the 80s where if you treated people with respect and didn't let the color of another person's skin affect your feelings of them, you weren't a racist? Good times. Of course there were a lot of bigots and racists. I'd even argue that the number is still there, but they have become better at hiding in plain sight.
Now there is a no-win situation happening. If I notice a person is black, it's because I'm segregating them for their skin and therefore a racist. If I don't notice a person is black, I'm not acknowledging their culture and therefore a racist. I know that there are groups within groups that are banding together to say these things and one group thinks the former is racist while another thinks the latter is racist, but what is created is an environment where white people are not allowed to be considered "not racist". Ever. No matter what is done/not done, said/not said, acknowledged/not acknowledged, it is called out as racist.
Well, I discussed this with a friend yesterday. Yeah, she's a white girl, too, so of course our opinions are from our point of view. Keep in mind it is impossible for us to have another point of view. We cannot choose our ancenstry whether we want to or not. We will constantly be criticized for that.
Anyway, when someone was saying "Why isn't there a White Pride Day?" (which I think she and I both agree is not needed) she heard a response I rather liked where a commenter responded "Because when you are the first car in Mario Kart, you don't need the blue turtle." I don't think we need to play Mario Kart to understand that! (Although, if you do, let's just say that if you are the winner of a race, you don't need a booster pack, do you? That seems excessive.)
I'd like to take that analogy one step further. What happens when you are the first car in Mario Kart and everyone behind you is blaming you for being at the front? They are clamoring for first place and making you feel like shit at every turn whether you fall to the back of the crowd or not.
I don't agree with the term reverse racism, but I'm not sure I disagree with it, either. The fact is, I could stand before a person who is calling me a racist for this post and ask them what they want from me and give it to them and still be called a racist by someone else. Because white people aren't even allowed to win the "I don't want to be a racist, I'm not trying to be a racist, I think racism is awful," game. Because of the color of their skin.
(from above)*Wow. I struggled with the end of that sentence. Any words I chose could have been seen as racist by some segment of the population. Which is kind of my point.
In the episode I watched with my husband and daughter on Wednesday, Blair (The Spoiled One) learned that someone back in her family tree had not only fought against integration, he turned out to be a member of the KKK.
Three letters that make even this whiter that white girl's heart skip a beat with sadness and despair so I cannot imagine what they do to a person of a certain other race.* (see below)
Well, Blair overcompensated to Token Black Girl on the show and then one of the girls confronted her. Blair said something along the lines of "My grandfather was racist. What if that means I'm racist, too?"
And the friend said "Blair, you are not racist."
Ah. Remember that brief time in the 80s where if you treated people with respect and didn't let the color of another person's skin affect your feelings of them, you weren't a racist? Good times. Of course there were a lot of bigots and racists. I'd even argue that the number is still there, but they have become better at hiding in plain sight.
Now there is a no-win situation happening. If I notice a person is black, it's because I'm segregating them for their skin and therefore a racist. If I don't notice a person is black, I'm not acknowledging their culture and therefore a racist. I know that there are groups within groups that are banding together to say these things and one group thinks the former is racist while another thinks the latter is racist, but what is created is an environment where white people are not allowed to be considered "not racist". Ever. No matter what is done/not done, said/not said, acknowledged/not acknowledged, it is called out as racist.
Well, I discussed this with a friend yesterday. Yeah, she's a white girl, too, so of course our opinions are from our point of view. Keep in mind it is impossible for us to have another point of view. We cannot choose our ancenstry whether we want to or not. We will constantly be criticized for that.
Anyway, when someone was saying "Why isn't there a White Pride Day?" (which I think she and I both agree is not needed) she heard a response I rather liked where a commenter responded "Because when you are the first car in Mario Kart, you don't need the blue turtle." I don't think we need to play Mario Kart to understand that! (Although, if you do, let's just say that if you are the winner of a race, you don't need a booster pack, do you? That seems excessive.)
I'd like to take that analogy one step further. What happens when you are the first car in Mario Kart and everyone behind you is blaming you for being at the front? They are clamoring for first place and making you feel like shit at every turn whether you fall to the back of the crowd or not.
I don't agree with the term reverse racism, but I'm not sure I disagree with it, either. The fact is, I could stand before a person who is calling me a racist for this post and ask them what they want from me and give it to them and still be called a racist by someone else. Because white people aren't even allowed to win the "I don't want to be a racist, I'm not trying to be a racist, I think racism is awful," game. Because of the color of their skin.
(from above)*Wow. I struggled with the end of that sentence. Any words I chose could have been seen as racist by some segment of the population. Which is kind of my point.
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